I haven’t seen my brother for a few months.  When I arrive at his Nursing Home he is fast asleep in a chair surrounded by his fellow inmates.  As always it is busy around him with staff trying to engage, redirect or restrain his fellow inmates.  There are some new faces and variations in presentation in some of the regulars.

My bro lives in a busy environment and that has to be my starting point.  It seems likely that such an environment is the antithesis of what anyone suffering from dementia needs.  At a time when he needs a calm peaceful environment he is surrounded by ongoing chaos.  I will use fictitious names as I give you a glimpse into the scene as it unfolded.

Wendy is on walkabout: up and down the corridors with anyone who will take her arm.  She is likely to stop at any time en route and take off items of clothing until all is revealed.  Sam is shouting out in a language that no one else can understand – even his own family.  Tom is tying himself up with a length of plastic wire and a member of staff is gently trying to keep him safe.  Donna is wanting someone to help her with her dolly and is out of her chair summoning assistance.  Others are out of others chairs trying to sit where others are already placed.  Four or so members of staff are on the look out and intervene when they see an opportunity to calm things down or keep someone safe.  My bro sleeps on oblivious to his surroundings – we think:  perhaps he just wants to escape from this mayhem.

My sister in law sits adjacent to my bro strokes his hand and talks very quietly.  After a while she leaves him to rest, or escape, a while longer.  She meets a fellow traveller and chats to her about her loved on.  I lean against a window sill watch, and chat, to staff members.  On occasions I exchange the odd word with other inmates.  This is an excellent learning opportunity for the likes of me.

As I sit and watch I see before me professional carers in action.  Most of them are on a long shift.  I wonder how any of them can keep this up?  Then I remember there are no days off for me or colleagues to give me support when I am feeling in need of a break.  Enough of the griping back to my role as an interested observer.  I witness how they use body language and visual expressions to  ease their charges in the right direction.  Language is also carefully chosen and used appropriately.  This is all good stuff and I chat along to help me to check if I am reading it right.  My bro sleeps on as I watch, listen and learn.

My bro may have flickered his eyes as I sat opposite him and spoke very quietly.   It is possible he knew someone was there even his younger bro: we will never know.  There is so much we will never know about this dreadful condition.  I know I would not want to be working in my bro’s Nursing Home.  On first inspection it looks tired; in need of a coat of paint and one or two new items of furniture.  However, to me that has never been the most important issue as I know that my bro is in good hands.  He loves all his ‘nice ladies’ who tend to his every need. Therefore my parting words are always something along the lines of: ‘thanks for looking after him’.  I want them to know I appreciate how hard they work at looking after my bro.