Tag Archives: Tiredness

Dementia: A Headless Chicken?

minimising distress, ,

Image result for Rushing Around Like Headless Chicken PictureI had a stark reminder early this morning that I’m trying to do too much.  Last night I was so exhausted that I went to bed at half-past eight and left Maureen to her own devices. Five hours or so later I found her sitting on the sofa looking terrified and desperate to relieve herself but no idea where to find the bathroom.   She was so relieved in all sorts of ways to see me, particularly as there had been ‘a strange man in the room again’.

It is painfully obvious that I’m not able to cover all bases at the moment.  I’m trying to solve too many issues and wearing myself out often running around like a headless chicken.  Tiredness kills when you are a driver: it causes distress when you are a Care Partner.

The bookcase in the lounge has now predominantly become Maureen’s space with lots of opportunities for cognitive stimulation.  I need to summon further support from Occupational Therapy to see how the remainder of the house can become more supportive of Maureen’s needs.  However, too many changes could well cause further confusion and a focus on our lounge towards the end of the month would be sensible.

Maureen’s refusal to engage in personal care or take her medication continues to cause concern.   All carers have been alerted to the need to try and get Maureen to shower and change her clothes.  The medication issue is something I will need to discuss with her GP. The progress on these issues will be reviewed with our Key Worker when he visits on Friday.

The ‘headless chicken’ is also painfully aware of the stiffness in his body after a consultation with a Fitness Instructor at  Cleethorpes Leisure Centre yesterday morning.  He has now decided that hydrotherapy is preferable to Tai Chi and will be walking on water later this morning!  Cue Loudon Wainright:

Footnote: Just had a lovely moment after seeing Maureen looking tearful.  When I asked her why she was looking so sad she said:  I’m going to miss you when I go home.’

 

 

Dementia: A Break In Hostilities

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Aggression Dementia Picture

Truce broke out in the ongoing hostilities here yesterday as Maureen and I spent a peaceful day together. The day got off to a good start as for once we woke up together in the same bed. This meant early morning tea took place in the comfort of the marital bedroom.  Maureen has a cunning way of requesting more lubrication by singing ‘I like a nice cup of tea in the morning’.

Just to put the record straight, sneezing was the main activity in the bedroom as both of our colds said ‘good morning’.  This again gave me an opportunity to show TLC by providing an endless supply of tissue. Maureen remained in good form as we moved downstairs for breakfast.   A couple of hours later she was asleep when Girl Saturday arrived.: on waking her response was remarkable.

I had changed a Carer Sit call to a Domestic as we were in need of assistance with ironing and cleaning.  As I pottered in the garden I saw Maureen show how pleased she was to see Girl Saturday, ironing in the kitchen, greeting her with a hug along with a beautiful smile.  Two hours later ‘the girls’ had made the house cleaner and tidier.  Such an about turn by Maureen who often complains that the carers have made her work!

We spent the afternoon dozing in the lounge.  As we enjoyed an early evening stroll around the block the chilly air convinced us that we had made the right decision to cancel our chauffeur, stay local and rest, rather than enduring a long car journey to catch up with family.

Maureen went to bed at seven last night and it was half six this morning before the Tea Boy was on duty.  As I type this post I’m awaiting a musical hint that her cup needs replenishing!

Dementia: ‘You Are No Spring Chicken’

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for You are No Longer A Spring Chicken picture

I need to sort myself out and get back into a sensible routine following Maureen’s stay in Respite Care.  Firstly, I need to resume blogging on a daily basis as it is an important therapy and a means of keeping on top of things.  Secondly, I need to act my age (71) and accept as my Key Worker often says: ‘you are no longer a Spring Chicken’.

Friday did not go at all well with Maureen rejecting any of the Occupational Therapists attempt to leave us with an Easy Bather.  Maureen was so affronted by the idea that she took off and it was some time before a stranger helped her to find her way home.  He greeted me with those supportive words ‘I understand’ which is so reassuring when you are trying to support someone with dementia and is typical of the folk around here.  It is a shame I didn’t understand her resistance to something that would have really helped me to relieve the pain in my aching limbs.  One thing I do understand but fail to accept is my age as I continue to act like a Spring Chicken and this is something I have to address.

So acting my age begins from now with:

  • Simple menus and cooking double amounts so that meals can be frozen.
  • Using the dishwasher on a regular rather than occasional basis.
  • Reducing the workload in the garden with fewer pots to tend etc.
  • Taking painkillers to ease my aching limbs.
  • Carrying out the exercise regime from my physiotherapist.
  • Trying to ensure that we both have a scheduled rest every afternoon.

Our Key Worker will be here on Tuesday afternoon to review our Support Package and this is an opportunity for Focus Adult Social Care to put their money where their mouth is and consider what these two old birds now need!

Dementia: A Marathon Of Compassion

minimising distress, ,

Image result for Compassion Dementia Picture

Yesterday turned into a marathon and it was almost 5 ‘o’ clock before we were able to hit the sack this morning.  Following an evening telephone conversation with a G P, I decided to take Maureen to Grimsby Hospital.  The waiting room was busy on arrival and packed during certain times during a long night.  At the end of our stint, I’m not sure how much had ‘cleared’ but I’m hoping that laxatives will return things to normal in the next few days.

I would award Grimsby Hospital top marks for being dementia friendly.  From the moment we arrived at reception until Maureen was discharged she was treated with dignity and respect.  She was never once challenged when she felt the need to explore her surroundings as she waited for examination, treatment or medication.   In fact, staff went out of their way to reassure me that her presentation never once caused them any concern.

Clee Medical Centre have also been extremely supportive in the last 24 hours: as always.  I have received almost instant responses to my telephone calls with advice that has always been person-centred.

We are not out of the woods just yet and Sleeping Beauty is catching up as I post.   It has been good to have 5 days of Respite as I don’t think I would have got anywhere near a personal best yesterday without it.   As a fun runner, I decided a half marathon was far enough.  Maureen went well during the ‘race’ as her compassion shone through.  Despite her discomfort; she consoled distressed children, chatted with anxious parents and entertained fellow patients with her repartee.

Dementia rather than personal choice is often calling the shots in our lives.  However, with the compassionate support that is always on offer in this area, we will always try to give it a run for its money!

N.B. I have decided to break my new regime and post today so I can copy the above to Grimsby Hospital PALS and staff at Clee Medical Centre.

Dementia: The Return Of Sleeping Beauty

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for elderly sleeping beauty pictures

Maureen has been sleeping for the last hour something that had proved difficult during her five nights in Homefield House.  I was informed this morning that she had not been to bed for the last 48 hours after turning in earlier in the week around 2 am.

She was so pleased to see me when I found her sitting near to the entrance of the Care Home this morning.  She looked radiant, smartly dressed and well kempt.  In fact, she looked rather dishy!

It was difficult to keep track of her during our journey home.  She mentioned that it had been so cold on a ferry trip this morning that she had rescued a small child who needed warmer clothing.  She was also keen to tell me how she had been the star of the late night dancing classes with her stunning choreography.

As we pulled up outside our house she told me she had been in a hospital for 4 to 5 months.  She also mentioned that she wondered if I wanted a divorce as I had not visited her in all the time she had been away.

I’m hoping that her confusion will diminish once she has had the rest that she clearly needs.  Unfortunately, rain has stopped play on my work: to wash all clothing that has been in Homefield House.  This is always something that needs to be done whenever Maureen has been into a Care Home as the aroma that remains on clothing is always rather unpleasant.

I feel refreshed after a break from my caring duties.  The Manager of Homefield House has confirmed that one to one care for Maureen would be needed during the night for any further periods of residence.

 

Dementia: ‘Are You Going To Take Me Out?’

Mixed Dementia, ,

I decided to head South rather than North yesterday. This meant forgoing the tranquility of the Buddhist Centre in Pocklington for an opportunity to catch up with family in Coventry. As soon as I set foot in ‘The Sanctuary’ I knew I had made the right decision. Just the smell of the place and seeing engineers at work brought back such happy memories of my days on the shop floor in the car industry. As always I got wise counsel from my brother in law as he took time out from his hydraulics business. The loud bang as my nephew blew out part of a component that was in for repair reminded me of the narrow escapes I’d had in my days as a manual worker.

After checking into the Royal Court Hotel I popped in to see my brother in his Nursing Home. I found him in his favourite chair in the Dining Room. He has been on Continuing Health Care for years which gives you a measure his Alzheimer’s. It took me a while to get him to smile and that was his only meaningful exchange during my visit. He seemed to be preoccupied with his hands: making movements as though her had a hair caught in his fingers. We sat together for over half an hour with only pop music in the background interrupting the silence.

Mum greeted me with her usual ‘have you to come to take me out’ and I did. It was such a lovely day as we travelled to Coombe Park as mum continued with her normal reaparte how many cars were on the road. Her vascular dementia means that conversation is often very limited although she did ask me where my wife was.

We sat for over half an hour and shared our customary ‘99’. She seemed rather tired on our return to her Care Home almost falling asleep as she reclaimed her chair and began to comfort her baby doll. As I was leaving I assured her I would be back soon to take her out again.

As I drove back to my hotel I though about the lack of resident activity in mum’s Care Home and my brother’s Nursing Home. The majority of inmates in both institutions were slumbering in chairs some were on them moving around my brother’s place; all were stationary in mum’s. My thoughts then shifted to Maureen reminding myself of the news that they were ‘not letting her out in the garden because they feared they would not be able to get her back in’.

I managed to switch off a little as I enjoyed the warmth of the Spa and Sauna when I returned to Royal Court. As always I found people to talk to and had an interesting conversation with an IT Engineer and a couple from Latvia. The conversation was also in full flow as I joined my sister and her husband – the owner of ‘The Sanctuary’ – for the second half of the Semi-Final of the FA Cup and a lovely evening meal.

Today I have another busy day with an early morning visit to my eldest daughter and her family. I then hope to find my way to see my younger sister and her son at her home in Warwick. There are other possibilities if time is on my side.

Unfortunately, the news from Homefield House isn’t so good this morning. Maureen had appeared to be settling down but last night she refused to go to bed. If she doesn’t get some rest soon then things will turn from bad to worse. How fortunate that I feel refreshed from this short period of Respite and ready to resume my role as a supportive Care Partner to my dear wife. The issue of how I can continue to have Respite when I need it can be parked until we meet with our Key Worker a week on Tuesday.

 

Dementia: Deprivation of Liberty Safeguards

Mixed Dementia

Image result for deprivation of liberty safeguards picture

Musical beds took on a new dimension last night when I was ‘sent off’ – evicted from the bed in our spare room.  I had gone to bed before 10 pm as my leg pain was making it difficult to stand let alone walk.  Maureen joined me some later asking me if it was ok for us both to be in the same bed.  A conversation arose early in the morning and my contribution led to me being told to leave the bed and go into the spare room.  I beat a hasty retreat to the marital bedroom where I remained for the rest of the morning.

I’m looking forward to the arrival of Maureen’s Care Coordinator along with an Occupational Therapist this morning.  It is an opportunity to have discussions about how to make our home a safer and more stimulating place for Maureen.  The one cloud on the horizon is  DoLS and this sensitive issue will be on the agenda this morning.

I hadn’t realised that DoLS needs to be explored in the home environment.   When I reflect beyond my initial concern about such discussions I’m optimistic that it will be possible to consider how dementia has the potential to deprive us both of our liberty and how safeguarding can protect us both.  It is fortunate that I was able to obtain wise counsel on this matter from several sources yesterday and now see today as an opportunity rather than a further nail in the coffin of the independence that Maureen craves!

Dementia: It Has To Be Gentle Persuasion

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Gentle Persuasion Picture

The Best Interest Meeting to discuss Maureen’s future care and accommodation is now hours way.  It is an opportunity for family members to get together with the Multi-Disciplinary Team to discuss the best way forward.

This morning Maureen has returned her theme that she doesn’t live here.  Yesterday morning she was talking about going back to Nottingham to live with her sister.  During the afternoon she was telling her aunt that she would like to go back to Coventry where she has lots of friends.

I am never clear who Maureen thinks I am.  On occasions I’m her husband, at other times I am her dad, grandad, ex-husband, or manager of this Care Home.

Maureen no longer knows what time, day or season it is.  She has been worrying this morning that she has no clothes that will be warm enough for this time of year.  Whenever she wakes up from sleeping it is time for breakfast, even after a late evening nap.

This morning’s meeting is an opportunity for all parties to put their cards on the table and for the Decision Maker to determine Maureen’s future care and accommodation.  I’m pretty tired at the moment and my immediate priority is to get a break from my caring responsibilities.  Holmfield House is primed to receive Maureen this afternoon and subject to assessment could accommodate her for a week.  However, I do not think it is in our Best Interests for me to trick her into a week in a Care Home: I’m quite clear about that!  What I still have a nagging doubt about is whether a holiday in an Adult Only Hotel would be a better option for sustaining our close relationship.  Once again the problem remains on how we shift Maureen from the sofa.  Whichever option is decided upon: gentle persuasion has to be in our Best Interest rather than trickery!

You will gather that there is uncertainty about where Maureen will sleep tonight.  We often play Musical Beds here and last night we slept well together in the marital bedroom: taking the single bed out of the lounge may have worked!

 

Dementia: As Blind As A Bat?

General, ,

Image result for Blind As A Bat pictureYesterday’s  visit to Madyhamaka failed to get me the respite I was seeking.  Maureen didn’t like it in a strange place – particularly as she was thinking that we were going to visit her mother.  The whole experience has left us both worn out and put Maureen on red alert about my motivation for doing anything.

When I reflect on my aspirations yesterday they were a clear indication of myopia: a short-sighted approach to the real issues here. The issue isn’t  about seeking some form of a Respite Break it is concerned with getting more rest from my role as a Care Partner.  It is fortunate that I’m due to meet our Key Worker this morning.  Unfortunately, his agenda is preparation for the Best Interest Meeting; while mine is how to increase my opportunities for rest until we gather on the 6th of April.

As Maureen thought I ‘tricked her’ again yesterday I think it would be unwise to carry out our ‘cunning plan’ on Friday.  Care Homes and Maureen do not mix and to con her that she is just going out for a meal and then leave her at Homefield House would lead to accusations that I had gone completely ‘batty’!

Dementia: Seeking Respite At Madyhamaka

Mixed Dementia,

I will try and persuade Maureen to accompany me to the Buddhist Meditation Centre at Pocklington today.  Airport Travel is on hand to chauffeur us for the short break that we both desperately need.  The thought of being served wonderful food along with compassionate people in beautiful countryside lifts my spirits and eases the pain in my aching body.

Maureen was reluctant to go anywhere yesterday: she appeared to greet my suggestions for a day out with suspicion.  What she doesn’t understand is that time is running out for us to demonstrate that there are there are ways of me recharging my batteries without putting her in a Care Home.

My discussion with the staff at Homefield House went well yesterday and we have a plan to introduce Maureen on Friday that aims to minimise her distress.  It is very different to similar facilities I have seen in the area.  As our Key Worker implied it is akin to a place where Ladies Lunch with waitress service and sherry served with meals.  Despite its many positives, it is a Care Home and I anticipate that Maureen may see what it is and react accordingly.  I am also unclear whether the level of stimulation that Maureen needs will be available from fellow residents.   All we can do is stick to our ‘cunning plan’ and react accordingly.

If I am unable to persuade Maureen to take a break at Madyhamaka we are likely to face the one size fits all approach to dementia – Respite in a Care Home.  The Best Interest Meeting is likely to remind me ‘that I’m not a robot’, as our Care Coordinator pointed out the other day, and want to ensure specific arrangements are in place so that I continue to have the energy to look after Maureen in our own home.