Maureen has now been declared fit for discharge from the Konar Suite
The Multi-Disciplinary Team agreed yesterday that it was in her Best Interest to come home: subject to a robust Care Package being put in place.
I now have to learn to be patient: particularly as Maureen is settled on Konar.
Maureen has been singing this one to staff on Konar:
Such an appropriate song: our discussions yesterday are CONFIDENTIAL!
When I arrived to visit Maureen yesterday morning a member of staff said you should see your ‘Polynesian Princess today’. When I saw her looking stunning and happily singing along to the background music I realised I had been on the wrong mission. My campaign to get her home as quickly as possible had been short-sighted.
Maureen gave me a beautiful smile when she saw me. I joked that I had been drawn to this silver-haired lady singing in the corner before I realised it was my wife. She is used to this sort of thing and carried on singing. I left her to it and made my way to one of the areas set aside for visitors. Maureen sought me out a while later with: ‘there you are I’ve been looking for you’. She then told me that ‘magic was taking place in here’.
I returned to Konar later in the day and saw the’magic’ in action first hand. Maureen was in extreme discomfort as her system had become seized up. The efforts that staff went to as they helped things to move was indeed ‘magic’. I played my part by holding her hand whilst we walked around: it was too painful for Maureen to sit down. Despite tea being served a magician arrived and helped to ease Maureen’s discomfort as laxatives and gravity eventually did the trick. Then our wonderful magician held Maureen’s hand as she walked her down the corridor for her evening meal.
Maureen is right magic is taking place in Konar. She has experienced TLC from the moment she was admitted. How on earth they are able to do this in an Acute Mental Health Unit has to be a kind of magic.
I have been waging a battle all week to get Maureen out of the Konar Suite ASAP. It has disappointed me that she remains in an Acute Mental Health Unit a week after her assessment has been completed. Patience does not come easily to me in circumstances like this.
Maureen will be discharged from hospital on Friday. I’m confident that the Best Interest Meeting will agree that she can return home. The only stumbling block could be the time it might take to put an adequate Care Package in place.
It didn’t take the social worker from the Hospital Discharge Team and me to agree upon common ground yesterday: the importance of picking your battles. Therefore, if Maureen wants to wear a slipper on one foot and a shoe on the other that is her right. If she wants to wear the same clothes for several days and nights that is fine. She has the right to make choices and it is our problem if we don’t like them. As Maureen said to me shortly after my arrival yesterday: ‘if they ask me if I want to have my hair cut again, I’ll ask them if they would like me to cut their head off’.
Maureen thought I was her ex-husband when I was with her yesterday. She was hostile to me during the whole of my visit. I was warned this might well happen as her dementia progresses. The only solution when she is in this mode is to walk away: her early life would have been much happier if her ex-husband had done the same!
With the approval of staff on the Konar Suite, I decided to take ‘Sunday Lunch’ in for Maureen yesterday. The look on her face when she saw sprouts and roast parsnips on her plate was a delight. She thoroughly enjoyed her meal and dipped into the in-house menu for her sweet. It didn’t matter that she wasn’t totally sure who I was because I had served up one of her favourite meals.
I’m going to take in another one of Maureen’s favourites today – a One Pot Special. Sprouts will again be in the mix, as that wife of mine loves them. I’m hoping that showing her that someone remembers her preferences will provide reassurance.
Steady progress is being made on the personal care front and Maureen is getting used to changing her clothes. Staff on the Konar Suite have been really successful at easing her out of her old favourites into some newer gear. It is lovely to see her in different outfits and further options will be in her wardrobe today.
I’m hoping that we will have another pre-lunch walk in the garden this morning. Fresh air has always been nectar to Maureen!
I became very concerned when I visited Maureen yesterday morning. It didn’t worry when she told me she was waiting to tell her Aunty that she had dropped her son at school. She was clearly delighted that she had solved the heating problems in the school with a friendly chat with the caretaker. Maureen was time-traveling; talking about something that could have happened over fifty years ago. What concerned me was how she was feeling about being on the Konar Suite.
Maureen told me in a number of ways that she felt she was being treated as if she was stupid. She said she was absolutely fed up of being told what to do: when to change her clothes, how to dress when to take her tablets etc. To an extent, this is a familiar tale that is sometimes repeated when she is at home. However, what concerned me was her feelings that she would have to stay in the hospital forever if she didn’t toe the line.
I thought it was important staff for on Konar to hear her concerns. Their response was impressive with a Nurse hearing her concerns who then asked the Ward Consultant to pop in for a chat. This gave Maureen a chance to vent her concerns and although we heard ‘they are getting to know her’ and ‘nobody likes being in hospital’ I’m optimistic they will take her concerns on board.
Maureen contends that she has done nothing wrong and cannot understand why she is being detained. She accepts that she has problems with recollecting recent events but doesn’t consider she is a danger to the general public. I’m not sure that she has grasped that the Consultant is going to put his Treatment Plan before us on Friday. She just wants to go home and get on with her life. Unfortunately, it is not going to be quite that simple and my understanding is that the process for discharge from Konar to wherever will take some time.
I got a distinct feeling that I was ‘Battling Giants’ yesterday – a position that Gladwell explores in his book ‘David & Goliath -Underdogs, Misfits and the Art of Battling Giants’. In my early dealings with staff at the Konar Suite, I was in despair with haunting memories of a professional belief in ‘chemical imbalance’ from my time as a patient at Harrison House. Fortunately, late on a Sunday evening the Head of the Unit appeared and eased my troubled mind.
My memories had been sparked by a meeting with two Nurses from the Konar, with one taking notes on a Lap Top. When I heard that Maureen would be seen by a Consultant in the morning and he might prescribe medication then my concerns intensified. I wondered how on earth anyone could assess Maureen’s needs when she had been in Konar for such a short period of time?
It wasn’t just the informal gear the Head of Unit was wearing that impressed me; it was her compassion and sincerity. Along with: ‘if you have any concerns at any time then ask my staff to contact me’. She assured me that ‘Konar was not in the business of medicating anyone for the sake of it and the priority was to assess Maureen’s needs’.
David knows that Goliath can always use the Mental Capacity Act to assert what is in Maureen’s Best Interest. However, he is reassured by extracts from Konar’s Misson Statement:
‘What Services do we offer:
Konar provides an evidence-based, high quality, individualised service …….
Our Aim is:
I’m reassured that Maureen is in good hands at Konar: my initial panic has ebbed. As David, I have a Mission Statement and a friend indeed whenever I have concerns!
I’m sure some readers of this Blog wonder what led me to change my mind about Care Homes and the Konar Suite? Why had someone who hardly has a good word to say about Care Homes and was unconvinced about the Konar Suite changed his mind?
When I look back there were three main reasons. Firstly, professional staff who I have a great deal of respect for continued to ask me to review my thinking. Secondly, when Maureen told me ‘she didn’t know where or who she was and had no idea what was going on’. Thirdly, when she handed me this crumpled photograph and told me it was a bill:
As you can see I’ve straightened it out now: hence the distortions. I wasn’t upset that it was one of our wedding photos. What concerned me was that I had stood it on our mantelpiece on our Wedding Anniversary to try to remind Maureen that we were married. I had played Wedding Day by the BeeGees every morning and told her how proud I was that she was my wife. I had told her how much I loved her as the Brothers Gibb had sung this beautiful song. I had put my hand next to hers as the music played so our wedding rings were touching. Although she may have grasped what I was talking about at that time, this photograph became a bill: that was the Tipping Point
The news from AlderleaCare Home is that Maureen thinks she is in ‘Marks and Sparks’ trying to find the train station. She is sleeping on a sofa just like she does at home and was still in the land of nod when I checked up on her early this morning. I’m off to the Leisure Centre again shortly; to swim and then revitalise in the Health Suite.
She won’t be with us today our Pocket Rocket. I was tempted to call her Little Miss Dynamite until I heard what a Senior from her Care Agency called her. She will be back tomorrow and Friday so she will then have been with us for four days this week.
Our PR generally has Maureen in the palm of her hand but yesterday she was sent to Coventry during the early part of her shift. Maureen ignored her greeting when she walked in the door and appeared to be sulking during the early part of her shift. When I returned home after my shopping mission all was fine and dandy; with the girls busy as music played in the background. With five minutes of her shift remaining the PR enticed Maureen upstairs to make sure she was well clad for the rest of the day. How on earth she managed to get Maureen into sensible gear in that time I will never know – it can take me half an hour!
I haven’t a nickname for today’s Girl Wednesday. She used to be a regular until she changed her shift pattern. She is another excellent carer who always encouraged me not to pander to Maureen. I always welcomed such gentle guidance from an old hand. It will be interesting to hear what she makes of Maureen’s presentation today as she hasn’t seen her for a couple of months.
I clearly need to eat my word this morning after another challenging night. It was after midnight before Maureen dropped off. It looks as though she is getting used to Lorazepam – half a tablet no longer has the impact it previously had. I will get our GP’s advice on upping the dose. I will also contact our Key Worker to request a couple of Night Sits to see if that can help us through this challenging period.
My Admiral Nurse is expecting my phone call today and this will give me an opportunity to discuss the prospect of Maureen going into the Konar Suite – there are no beds available at the moment. I’m fully aware that Maureen might need ongoing medication and that could be the outcome of a stay on the KS. Despite my reservations about medication being the answer, I’m impressed by NAViGO’s attempts to help patients understand bthe:
Some positive news from last week:
Sometimes you just need a break and two came my way on Friday. Firstly, my physiotherapist enlightened me about the benefits of swimming breaststroke, the only stroke I can do, and riding my bike. I had been under the misapprehension that both were not advisable following hip replacement. Secondly, my neighbour who is a scientist agreed to review Dale Bresden’s book. When I spoke to her yesterday she suggested that it might not be too late for Maureen to benefit from his thinking. I’m sure all of this news is helping me to sleep a little easier in bed at night, as is the thought that my Admiral Nurse will be available this week so that I can chat with her about my reservations about Maureen going into the Konar Suite.
From today I have decided to set some targets at the start of each week:
Personal targets:
Carers targets:
I will review progress next week so in future, Positive News will be the focus on Monday’s – a Jungle Book approach to life:
My brother in law assures me he would have opened our Sun Room on Tuesday with the above number if the acoustic had been right. However, as the flooring had not been laid the sound check was not to his satisfaction. He assures me he will be back once the vinyl is laid!
The standing joke in our family is if you mention an artist or a band from the 60’s my brother in law swears he has backed them. Who am I to contest his distant memory of playing with the Chicanes alongside the Cream at the Swan at Yardley when Clapton was a member? What is beyond refute is the exceptional support my sister and her husband gave us when they visited on Tuesday. As the man says: you find out who your friends are when dementia is in the household!
We have had another good night’s rest. Maureen woke at 4 am worrying that ‘they had all gone’ and she had been left here by herself. This fear of being deserted is constant and she expects me to leave her: to run off with another woman. Just to put her mind at rest this morning, I’m going to suggest that she accompanies me to Cleethorpes Leisure Centre. It would be wonderful if I could persuade her to have a swim but even walking along the Promenade with Girl Saturday would be real progress. Then if the going is good we might even have a snack at one of the cafes on the seafront!
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 