During my return journey to Cleethorpes yesterday I continually mulled over whether to bring Maureen’s stay in a Care Home to a premature end.  I’ve had a good break and feel relatively refreshed.  My Pilgrimage to Paddington has been completed successfully and I have met Irving Kirsch along with Tom Schuller:

I called in at Coventry and saw how my mum and brother are being looked after in their respective Homes.  On Saturday evening I had a lovely time in the company of my eldest daughter and her family.

On Sunday morning I sat on a bench in the War Memorial Park thinking about all sorts of things.  I thought about how fortunate I had been that my parents had survived the war: mum sheltering under the dining room table during the Blitz and dad flying 40 missions as a Tail Gunner.

I spoke to the manager at Alderlea Care Home last night and the news remains positive. She reported that Maureen has settled in well and is not giving any cause for concern.  It is really a ‘no-brainer’ to decide whether to bring her home this afternoon or leave it until Wednesday. I know what Maureen has always done when she has faced a similar dilemma, during my depressive episodes: brought me home at the earliest opportunity!

When I eventually made it to my brother’s Nursing Home yesterday afternoon he was dozing. His wife was sat at his side showing her absolute affection for her dear husband.  As always she was keen to tell me how well John was looked after and drew the inevitable comparison with his dreadful experience in a previous home.

My visits to Coventry always leave me wondering about standards in Care Homes.  This morning I’m wondering why my mum sleeps to avoid boredom in her place and John has an entirely different experience. My sisterms in law singled out the Activities Organiser as someone who does so much for residents and their families. She mentioned how much money she raises to keep the stimulation going week after week: last week a wonderful singer etc etc.

As I approached mum’s Care Home I met her Activities Organiser. She was catching a bus for a day out with her family. She is a volunteer who I’m  sure does her level best. 

During my visit to mum’s Home the Manager  appeared to be inducting a new member of staff.. The Manager at my brother’s Home was helping a Steel Band to set up whilst trying to eat a picnic lunch.

In the words of my Buddhist friend Dorde it would be a ‘no brainer’ if I had to choose whether to put Maureen alongside my mum or brother. Why on earth would I want her to be sleeping all the time because she was bored? 

I can do little about mum’s  situation. It would be wrong to label the home on my snapshot on one day at the weekend. However, I see no reason for the television to be on constantly in the lounge whenever I’m around. A fellow visitor told me that ‘Jeremy Vile’  was on the other day: I hope mum was asleep! 

My Pilgrimage To Paddington has gone exceptionally well. Yesterday evening I dined with two men who have had a significant impact on my life.

When you leave school at the age of 15 without a single qualification you don’t  expect that 26 years later Lord Scarman will be presenting you with a Masters Degree at Coventry Cathedral.  I will never forget the excellent support that Tom Schuller gave me in my year at Warwick University in 1987 that led to that memorable day. His encouragement to write cteatively and conduct empirical research will never be forgotten.

I am also grateful  for the research of someone else: Irving Kirsch. His exposition of the myth of ‘chemical imbalance’ has changed my life. If I hadn’t read The Emperor’s  New Drugs -Exploding the Antidepressants Myth it is probable I would have been taking antidepressants for the rest of my life. Becoming aware of research that proved antidepressants were no better than a placebo gave me the confidence to stop taking them. With the support of a therapist I have learned how to think my way out of depression.

At 7 am I will be on a train to Coventry with the prospect of a very different day. I will be catching up with my brother and mum. A day reminding myself of the unfairness of dementia lies ahead.

My brother is unlikely to really know who I am as Alzheimer’s has robbed him of cognition. My mum will be disappointed if I am not able to take her out as she loves to escape from her Care Home.

The evening will be Respite from Dementia in the company of my eldest daughter and her family. Her two beautiful daughters would lift the mood of anyone who has had a challenging day.

Whenever I have tough days, thanks to Irving I know that I am not suffering from a chemical imbalance. It is natural that I won’t be in high spirits when I reflect on my brother’s  and mother’s  welfare. However, two high spirited grandchildren are likely to take my mood in a positive direction: as has the news from Arderlea Care Home. I heard yesterday that Maureen is settled and going to bed at night: that is a really positive balance!

Footnote: I’m  blogging from my mobile while I’m on my travels so no links or graphics today. Normal service will be resumed on Monday.

No news must be good news as there has been no contact from Alderlea Care Home.

I will give them a ring before I leave for my Pilgrimage To Paddington to check Maureen has all she needs.

I’m just off to the Leisure Centre for more Spa and Sauna.

After a great deal of thought, I have decided not to take Maureen with me on my ‘Pilgrimage to Paddington’ a week on Friday.  This has been a hard decision to take as  I wanted my wife to meet two people who have had a significant impact on my life.  Tom Schuller was my supervisor when I completed my dissertation for Master’s Degree at Warwick University and has recently developed ‘The Paula Principle’:

Irving Kirsch’s research was fundamental in helping me to understand that antidepressants were not the solution to my periods of depression:

When Irving’s train pulls in at Paddington Tom is likely to be nearby but Maureen will be in Ashgrove Care Home.  It has eventually been a ‘no brainer’ to leave her in Cleethorpes while I meet my two distinguished colleagues.  It would have been lovely to have had her by my side but the risks associated with a trip to London are insurmountable at this stage of her condition.  We have also made a similar judgement about organising 30 hours of continuous care in our own home with people who have never previously supported Maureen.  We are optimistic that 4 nights in Ashgrove is the kindest way forward and that her colleagues on the ‘Escape Committee’ will welcome her back with open arms.  It will also give me a much-needed opportunity to recharge my batteries.

This morning my pilgrimage is to CleeMedical Centre:

There would have been little point understanding that ‘antidepressants are no better than a placebo for mild to moderate depression’ (Kirsch) unless CMC had a progressive approach to treating depression. Doctors monitored me after I stopped taking mirtazapine, even though a psychiatrist during a spell in a Psychiatric Unit  had advised I had a ‘chemical imbalance’ and needed medication for the rest of my life.  I was also referred to the Practice Counsellor and Paul Martin has helped me to think my way out of depression. My noon meeting with him today is part of a package of measures to keep me mentally well at a time when it would be understandable for depression, once again, to feature in my life.

There are mixed feelings about the visit of our Key Worker and a colleague this afternoon as it represents another milestone in the progression of Maureen’s condition. They will be progressing a DoLS application to deal with her safety in the community.   Initially, I had seen this as a retrograde step but now I understand depriving Maureen of her liberty is necessary to protect her Best Interests and enable her to remain in her own home. This afternoon’s meeting will also be an opportunity to review our Support Packages to ensure that they are meeting our needs.

Footnote: The whole idea that ‘chemical imbalance’ is causing depression has been called into question by Kirsch’s research.

Girl every other Saturday and Sunday put in two excellent shifts at the weekend. Maureen is always pleased to see her and happy to help her around the house.  When I returned from the Leisure Centre on Sunday my senses were aroused on two fronts. Firstly, by the aroma of Sunday Lunch well underway.  Secondly, Maureen looking good with a change of clothing and hair washed following a shower.  What a return from an investment of additional hours personal and domestic care over the weekend.  I’m confident that this afternoon will see even more value for money when Girl Tuesday afternoon puts in another shift.

I almost messed thing up last week by plunging the new kid on the block in at the deep end by mentioning new underwear to Maureen.  Thankfully, Nat King Cole rescued the situation and by the end of her shift, the two girls were good pals.  Her later start time this afternoon will hopefully set us off on an even better the track.

My sister has offered even more respite this coming Saturday.  She and her husband are renting a cottage a few miles away and will be popping into see us during the week. When she said that they will be coming on Saturday and not bother about lunch as they will be bringing it all with them I thought that is what you really call respite: good company and lunch into the bargain!

GREAT NEWS:  I began cognitive stimulation therapy in the community yesterday and as you will see <HERE> we got off to a flying start.  If I keep my nerve and listen to Maureen I’m confident that her progress will turn the heads of our Multi-Disciplinary Team and encourage them to consign Prescribed Disengagement (Swaffer) to the history book!