I wouldn’t have got through yesterday unless I had watched Chloe, Maureen’s main carer, in action over the last year or so..  I have looked on in amazement on many an occasions as she has cajoled Maureen in positive directions. There have been times when I have been at the end of my tether with Maureen when Chloe has waltzed in and transformed her into my cooperative loving wife.

There have been many occasions in my working life when I have learned on the job by ‘sitting next to Nellie’.  Fred taught me how to be a Cost of Sales Clerk; Roy how to recondition cylinder blocks, and Bob how to run a Youth Club – I could go on.   In the absence of a structured induction I have had to pick up ‘tricks of our trade’ from fellow employees on many a day.   I have also  witnessed a Master Class in caring  from Chloe in our own home.

I think the sentiments behind Chloe’s approach were acted out last Friday.  Time was running out on her three hour slot as Maureen belatedly agreed to have her hair washed.  Maureen enquired if there was time for further pampering and Chloe replied: ‘there will always be enough time for you Maureen’.

The going got increasingly tough  yesterday as Maureen struggled to get through the day.  On several occasions I bit my tongue, as Maureen’s presentation became even more challenging: with the insults coming thick and fast.  I held on hoping that sleep would lead to ‘Mrs Angry’  becoming a figment of  Maureen’s presentation.

As confusion abounded over bed-time and ‘the clocks being wrong’ I thought of what Chloe would do in the circumstances, and then it came to me.  I left the room, changed my language on my return,  and soldiered on with moving us up the ‘wooden hill’.  Lo and behold it worked, and we were wishing each other ‘night night’ before you could say ‘Jack Robinson’.

Chloe is one of the most unassuming individuals I have ever met.  I am very fortunate that I have had the good fortune to ‘sit and stand next to her’ since Maureen’s stroke.  She would never remind Maureen of her faltering memory and wouldn’t even tell her when it’s her birthday!

I have reblogged a post  from nearly two months ago to take a check on how I am doing in trying to be more than a Care Partner.  In short, the simple answer is not very well: to put it kindly.  I will address my ‘progress’ at the end of the post

Guess who forgot to put the clocks back this morning?

Maureen woke up early this morning choking with catarrh.  This led her to be very despondent about something else going wrong, and the need to see a G P once again.  It is likely that this is a side effect of lisinopril.  Maureen will have forgotten the attempts to move her to another blood pressure tablet because lisinopril causes post-nasal drip.  I think she has been around the block trying different tablets to address hypertension.  En route she has had side effects far worse than catarrh, so it’s always back to the old favourites.

It is possible that she has caught the infection that I have hopefully seen the back of now.  I didn’t have post-nasal drip it was more like a washer had gone on a tap inside my nose.  With Maureen’s sensitivity to medication it may be better to see how things develop before taking her to see her G P.  In the mean time I will make her some cherry linctus as that has helped before

Just to put my mind at rest I also need to revisit the issue of whether Maureen should be on aricept.  When the Clinical Psychologist from the Stroke Team diagnosed mixed dementia she mentioned that medication could help.  Some months later our Memory Service diagnosed mixed dementia and promptly discharged Maureen, as there is currently no treatment for this condition.

I have chatted to Maureen’s G P about this connundrum and he is well aware of Maureen’s sensitivity to medication and her reluctance to take tablets.  This is not going to be a simple matter to progress but  is a something I feel inclined to revisit.  I will chat over this dilemma with our social worker, and Admiral Nurse, when we meet together in a week’s time. Oops I almost forgot this is another reason to catch up with Yvonna my pharmacist friend.

Once again it is time to thank my friends on Talking Point who have reminded me of the potential benefits of aricept.  It is so helpful to have access to this Site 24/7, as there will always be someone to offer support or try to help you when you might be going down a dead end.  From what I have seen that is where the real expertise on dementia resides; ‘old hands’ who help apprentices like me try to find the best route for Maureen and I on our journey with dementia.  Some of the more experienced Care Partners don’t always agree with my style, and approach, to being a Care Partner but Talking Point is a Broad Church.

I just hope that we haven’t experienced another mix-up that has led to the progression of Maureen’s condition.  Early diagnosis was prevented because of protocols within the medical profession and the reluctance of others, including family members, to accept that there were symptoms of dementia .  When Maureen suffered stroke; delays in diagnosis prevented thrombolytic intervention.   I am just hoping that a disagreement over diagnosis doesn’t mean that it is now too late to consider aricept.

Last night I had to hastily change for a ‘Harpo Marx approach’  to becoming Sleepy one of the Seven Dwarfs.  When Maureen is resting and I want to gently wake her up I become Harpo and whistle. Unfortunately, she was so spark out on the sofa after an evening walk yesterday that Harpoism failed.  I tried several times but she refused to stir, and slept on.

Well past our normal bed-time I realised that Harpo had lost his touch, and she could be on the sofa for the night.  So I then turned into Sleepy by sorting out a bed on the floor and lay down for the night.  Within minutes something irritated my throat leading to coughing and Maureen immediately woke up.  She was delighted that I had decided to bed down in the same room, as she recalled  confusion when she first wakes.  These are often the times when abject confusion takes over, and she has no idea where she is in her life history.  Those are the moments when I have to be very careful because if she thinks I am a shadowy figure from her past I am in for a rough time.

Although she welcomed my kind gesture she still hit me with a barrage of questions once I edged her upstairs.  At one stage I thought I might have to go to the spare room so she didn’t think I was the someone else who is often in her thoughts.  As she drifted into sleep I realised that it was one of those times when ‘night night’ was the safest way forward.  Any form of physical contact may have spooked her and revived haunting memories.   Although we shared the same bed I am not sure she knew who I was.  Perhaps ‘that kind man’ who helps her with all sorts of things.