It’s always pleasing as a Care Partner when your concerns have been listened to and heeded.  I called time on our Care Plan a month ago giving ‘notice to quit’ unless improvements were made.  Four weeks later we have been allocated another 7 hours of weekly carer sits (respite) alongside additional support for day trips to visit family.  There is no doubt that North East Lincs. Council do their bit in trying to look after their carers’.

Developments on Friday have now cast a new perspective on our situation: Maureen has been judged unsafe to ‘walk alone’.  This judgement will require very careful management on my behalf as I attempt to traverse the tightrope of independence and safety.  Maureen continues to challenge the judgement recalling how well she raised three children by instilling in them the Green Cross Code.  Therefore popping out to the shops and leaving Maureen to her own devices becomes a risky venture; as locking her in is not a viable option.

I have been reminded by many people that Maureen’s presentation is nothing unusual. Perhaps my biggest challenge is accepting that despite my best efforts the progression of her dementia is relentless.  Therefore ‘Mrs Dementia’ may often be around and empathy significantly absent.  When it is full flow Maureen’s needs will be paramount and rational thought will fly out of the window.  My absence for my day trip to Coventry on Wednesday could well lead to accusations of desertion: they will come from ‘Mrs Dementia’ not Maureen.  The challenge for me is not to absorb any hurtful comments as I try to forge a life of my own alongside being a Care Partner. 

Maureen went downstairs at 4.30 am to make a cup of tea.  She returned shortly afterwards saying she had realised it was too early to get up.  I encouraged her to try to get back to sleep but she said she hadn’t got a bed.  Then she made it clear I wasn’t ‘her Paul’ so I retired to the spare bedroom.  It was cold in bed alone making it difficult to get back to sleep I decided to get up.

Once downstairs I decided to watch some Buddhist teaching on YouTube and my good fortune from the day before continued, as I stumbled across the following teaching:

Once again Dekyong gives a profound teaching on how to have a happy life that makes sense of the opportunity that I have to give loving kindness.  As many of my Buddhist friends have said Maureen’s dementia is an opportunity to give unconditional love the recipe for a happy life.

Yesterday had been a day of good fortune:  early on managed to find three LP’s for a pound at the Car Boot Sale.  Then walking in the sunshine in Cleethorpes mid-morning we had a wonderful experience.  We made our way to Kew Road where Maureen lived as a child where we bumped into four elderly residents who were transforming the back ally.  They invited us to see the floral tributes they were creating for the Queen’s birthday and Armed Forces Day.  Maureen loved chatting to them and talking of her days living in their neighbourhood.

The real good ‘Fortune’ continued in the afternoon when a diverted shot from Marc -Antione was diverted into the net after four minutes and set Coventry City on their way to a 3-1 victory over Sheffield United.  I hope no-one tells the rest of Sky Blue followers that their losing run coincided with my £1 wager that they would win the League!

It looks like another sunny day here in Cleethorpes.  I have no idea how we will spend the day but I will count my blessings accepting that if I take this opportunity to continue to show loving kindness we will continue to have a happy life together.

Good fortune has shone on us this morning: we’ve had a very lucky break.  Maureen  woke up thinking of a school trip to Germany from over 60 years ago.  I have kept that conversation going to consign the events of yesterday afternoon to the dustbin: along with shattered keepsakes.

We were both tired yesterday after several nights of broken sleep.  When Maureen lay down to rest her eyes on the sofa I decided to rest upstairs in our bedroom.  I took the normal safety precautions before retiring: locked all external doors and removed keys to a place of safekeeping.  With the Baby Alarm set I soon drifted off to sleep reassured that I had minimised risks of the ‘Happy Wanderer’ going missing.  What I hadn’t counted on were the events that followed an hour or so later.

As the Baby Alarm kicked into action I heard Maureen screaming downstairs.  When I joined her she was running around the house saying she was ‘locked in’.  She ran from room to room hurling abuse at me and pulled the tablecloth off the dining room table shattering several keep sakes as they crashed to the floor.  Nothing I said made any difference as I was the ‘Bad Guy’ keeping her in prison.  There is no need to repeat the abuse she hurled at me until she lay on the sofa exhausted from her attempts to verbally remonstrate with her captor.  Another incident early this morning cast me in the role of hero rather than villain.

I awoke around 1 am and checked Maureen’s whereabouts and found her locked in the downstairs utility room.  It took me a while to coach her on how to undo the bolt on the door and I managed to usher my very frightened wife upstairs to bed.  We have slept together relatively peacefully until 7 am apart from or two difficult moments where I have to reassure her until she returned to the land of nod.

There is no evidence of the ‘smashing time’ Maureen had yesterday unless you look in the dustbin.  It seems likely that the emotional scars have healed with the school trip at the forefront of Maureen’s mind.  If the weather holds we will make it to the car boot sale down the road this morning and resume our search for additional vinyl.  Maureen dreams of her school trip to Germany could not have come at a better time: a very lucky break indeed!

Footnote: Sincere thanks to family members and professional staff who gave me support in my hour of need yesterday.  You will be pleased to hear Maureen is back this morning: I hope ‘Mrs Dementia’ is taking a few days off!