Today’s Buddhist message is from Mexico:
The same as any Care Partner I need to focus on Maureen’s needs rather than my own.
She woke up this morning saying that: ‘no one wants me I’m too much trouble. I can’t do anything for myself now.’
My reassurance that she means everything to me doesn’t cut any ice when she feels so lost and alone!
This week’s song of the week has to be ‘So Wrong’. I thought that Maureen going into an Acute Mental Health Unit would be a disaster for us both. It’s a time to eat my words.
The Konar Suite is nothing like your typical Mental Health Unit. My reservations that they would turn her into something like my brother well ill-conceived. He has Alzheimer’s and came out of an MHU in Coventry a shadow of his former self: goodness knows what they did to him.
I have to admit it took me a while to trust the medics on the Konar Suite with my dear wife. I must have been deaf to have not listened at first hearing. Their message was loud and clear ‘we have to weigh up the benefits of any medication against the risks involved’.
Maureen is settling well after three weeks away from home. She generally makes her way up to our bedroom at night after dozing on the sofa for a while. That is another thing I have to thank the staff on the Konar for – not only did they encourage her to sleep in a bed whilst she was in their care; they coached me on how to do the same when she came home.
Although Maureen has been discharged from the Konar Suite staff are always available for out of hours telephone advice and will make a home visit in an emergency.
The words of Maureen’s Consultant on the Konar Suite rang out this morning: ‘there will be fluctuations in her presntation’:
Monday evening: As I prepared our evening meal Maureen was in exceptional form. She sang and danced along to some of our favourite records. Sometimes she invited me to join her at others she pranced around the dining room like a ballet dancer. I have a lovely video clip of her virtuoso performance that I am not able to post here.
Wednesday morning: Maureen stirred beside me in bed a short while ago, so I greeted her as Charlie Drake with: ‘hello my darling’. She responded with: ‘I want to go home, I hate it here: no one ever comes to see me’. When I foolishly responded with ‘I’m here’ she said: ‘you only feed me to keep me to keep me alive and you never take me anywhere’.
I accept that Maureen’s presentation will continue to fluctuate. However, we do struggle for visitors as our closest family members live over a hundred miles away and lead busy lives. However, I’m hoping the VACANCIES SIGN on our newly built Sun Room might help on that front. We are now well equipped to cope with a couple of visitors overnight in our en-suite extension and look forward to the bookings rolling in.
The following article is reproduced with the kind permission of the author Roy Lilley
the Editor of nhsManagers.net:
What group of patients do you work with?
It is now a week since Maureen’s discharge from the Konar Suite. She is beginning to settle down to being back home after three weeks in an Acute Mental Health Unit. Just as her Consultant stressed her presentation is subject to fluctuation. My status can change from her husband to the wicked man who is stopping her from going home at the drop of a hat: from hero to zero.
We still have great fun together and Maureen’s wicked sense of humour shone through when she was in the hospital. When a staff member was encouraging her to take lunch Maureen said ‘she wasn’t hungry and suggested that the individual concerned would be well advised to eat a little less’. I’m not always sure our larking about is always well received by professionals when they call. I hope it doesn’t lead to them to place us on some psychiatric scale.
I’m doing my best to stick to routines that help Maureen’s dilemma of ‘not knowing what to do with her time’. It is now very obvious that she needs prompting to complete most tasks. Her days of hanging out washing on the line have gone. She can manage to assist with such tasks but forgets what she is meant to be doing if she is left to her own devices.
We slept together beautifully last night and that is a real bonus in the scheme of things. I know it’s very early days but I’m optimistic that things can only get better if I continue to take breaks and don’t try to do it all by myself. It is so reassuring that the Home Treatment Team are monitoring how things are going and are calling shortly for yet another chat.
I have to admit my reservations about Maureen going into the Konar Suite were ill-conceived. They treated us both with the utmost dignity and respect along with lots of TLC. To experience a Mental Health Unit that does not see medication as the answer to everything was so refreshing!
When I was looking for some new clothes for Maureen last week I stumbled on this little beauty in Iceland -The Food Warehouse. It is amazing value for £29.99 and an excellent reminder of the good old days.
I used it several times when Maureen was in the Konar Suite to play some of her old favourites and we even had the occasional smooch in her room. We have decided to take it with us the next time we visit my mum so she can tap her feet to Frank Sinatra, Glen Miller and Nat King Cole.
I’m hoping that another purchase a 2-in-1 Calendar and Day Clock will help Maureen’s difficulties with the orientation to time. I haven’t taken it out of its box yet as I realise that such changes have to be managed gradually if they are to have a positive impact.
I also found a beautiful jacket in Maureen’s favourite colour last week. She is really looking forward to wearing it for the first time today.
I’m hoping she has now caught up on her sleep as she spent most of the last 24 hours on the sofa. However, when you consider what she has been through in the last few weeks she is doing remarkably well.
Update at 9.30am: Maureen’s new jacket fits like a glove and she is delighted to have something new to wear. She has now retired to the sofa exhausted by my attempts to help her into warmer clothes before we ventured out. When Girl Thursday arrives I’ll take the opportunity to return some further purchases that she is not keen on. Hopefully, she will model her new jacket a little later in the day
This is one of our favourites from Emmylou:
We had a lovely day yesterday. Maureen was so pleased to see her GP after three weeks with ‘Witch Doctors and magic spells’ on the Konar Suite.
She amazed me in the evening when we popped in to see our old friends at Carpet Bowls. We hadn’t been for years but she blended in as if it had been the previous week. Our old friends were really pleased to see us again and people we didn’t know treated her with real compassion. Then to top it all we have spent a restful night together in the marital bed.
After another appointment with a ‘Real Doctor’ this morning we could pop in to see our dancing friends. To be Together Again on the dance floor after all this time would really be something!
Maureen came home from the Konar Suite yesterday afternoon.
I intend to spend a minimal amount of time on social media over the next few days.
My priority is to help Maureen settle to being back home after being in an Acute Mental Health Unit where she has had a high level of support available 24/7.
Maureen hardly slept last night and is frightened by yet another change of environment.
I’m hoping my Admiral Nurse will be here shortly so we can chat about how to help Maureen settle as quickly as possible and regain a semblance of independence.
On Saturday morning I received a copy of the assessments that had taken place to determine Maureen’s mental capacity. These documents make sobering reading. They are a stark reminder that Maureen no longer has any concept of person, place or time. They also point out her high level of need.
The assessment was required to as part of a DoLS Application. Within the documentation, there are several references to the need for a robust Care Package before Maureen is discharged from Konar. At a time when additional carer support is needed, there is nothing in place.
Yesterday, Maureen’s initial pleasure at seeing me soon declined. She said once again that she was only being detained on Konar ‘because of the lies I had told, as I wanted to get rid of her’. She declined to have Sunday Lunch with me as ‘ it was too early and you shouldn’t eat at your place of work’. She then retired to the patient’s lounge choosing to ignore me for the remainder of my visit.
I was pleased to hear from a member of staff on Konar that Maureen is still their patient. It would be irresponsible to attempt to bring her home her home until a robust Care Package is in place.
Today’s teaching from Dekyong is very appropriate:
When I called in to see Maureen yesterday morning she was fast asleep in bed.
She looked so peaceful that I saw no point in waking her.
A member of staff suggested that I take the day off.
She then invited me to have Sunday Lunch with Maureen.
Kindness and compassion are always on offer in the Konar Suite.
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 