Category Archives: Mixed Dementia

Dementia: ‘What’s This Santa Thing?’

Mixed Dementia, ,

 

Image result for What is this santa thing picture

I have found it difficult to know how to play Christmas this year.  Now Maureen’s dementia has progressed to severe I’m often caught on the hop.  She clearly has little concept of time or place and often who people are.  Thankfully, she generally sees me as one of the good guys in her life: often her dad or her grandfather – sometimes ‘Paul’.  Although the latter is not always easy to fathom, as ‘Paul’ can be the man who runs this Care Home or her husband.

For the first time in ages, we have shared the same bed for the last seven nights.  This has meant that it has been much easier to settle Maureen if she has woken up distressed.  Generally, a small amount of physical contact and a few words of comfort have been enough to help her get back to sleep.  Unfortunately, this morning has been rather different.

Maureen woke in the early hours telling me she was parched.  The usual routine of a beaker of water became an elongated period of confusion.  Her questions were bewildering as she tried to determine her reality.  She even wondered if how she would know if she was drinking poison!  It took a long while to reassure her and persuade her to return to bed.  A couple of hours later Maureen was asking me: ‘what is this Santa thing?’  I couldn’t think of an appropriate answer and left her to her own devices for a while.

A short while afterward, I found Maureen downstairs in the dark.  She seemed relieved to see me, greeting me with: ”there you are I have been looking for you.’  Then she asked me: ‘if the boys had got what they wanted for Christmas?’ When I told her I was unsure as they lived away she said: ‘they come and see us sometimes though.’

Maureen is currently asleep in the single bed in our lounge; ‘my den’.  Deprived of my resting place I have been doing some domestic duties so that we can have a relaxing day together.  What I’m still not sure about is how to deal with ‘this Santa thing’:  should I give her the presents he has left in the spare bedroom or will that only add to her confusion?

Just as I am about to post this piece Maureen has come upstairs to see what I’m doing.  She has just said: ‘I wanted to get you a present’ – I have responded with what I have always said: ‘you’re presence is my present’.

 

 

 

Dementia: Bah Humbug?

Mixed Dementia, , ,

A recent article in Linkedin caused me to think about how to deal with Christmas now Maureen’s dementia is classed as severe.   Written by Rick Phelps it made the point that flashing lights, along with lots of noisy folks around, are the last thing he needed during the Festive Season.

When Maureen and I were out walking the other day I asked her if she would like us to put up a Christmas Tree.  She responded with we didn’t need to trouble ourselves as there were already plenty around.  However, we one spot of impromptu carol singing that evening and some friendly neighbours were delighted with our efforts.

Maureen woke this morning with anxieties about not wanting to get up the chimney.  Just to ease her concerns I held her tight, told her she wasn’t going anywhere and burst into song:

Happy Christmas and a Healthy and Peaceful New Year

 

Dementia: She’s A Little Gem

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for A She's A Real Diamond Picture

Maureen has been in great form since she came home from two weeks in Alderlea Care Home.  ‘Little Miss Dynamite’ has persuaded her to engage in personal care, change her clothes and take her medication every morning.  We are very fortunate that this real diamond will be with us for four mornings a week from now on.  Maureen doesn’t remember names these days but was keen to point out that she always enjoyed her time with the ‘tubby lady’: she said that this was a kind way of describing her friend.

The real glitter of LMD is her ability to be flexible in an attempt to meet Maureen’s needs.   Usually, they are singing together as I open the door after I have been out for a while.  Today, she has responded immediately to my suggestion that Maureen might enjoy doing crosswords again.  As I type I can hear fits of laughter from downstairs as she encourages Maureen to solve the clues.

 

 

Dementia: Let’s Stop Elder Abuse!

Mixed Dementia
 Stop Elderly Abuse.. Stop Abuse Period! This includes financially misusing their $ as well for your own profit or gain !!!
The following is an extract from today’s nhsManagers.net copied with the permission of the Editor Roy Lilley:
‘I can’t imagine older people putting-up with the way we treat them, for another year.  What other patients would accept being abandoned, dumped, marooned, shoved out, trapped and stuck in a revolving door?
Forget kindness or compassion.  Think about giving the supermarket your money, up-front, popping in for bread and bog-rolls, only to be told… there isn’t any.  It’s a rip-off.
Fees are a rip-off, inspection should ripped-up and looking at the quality of some homes; the owners ripped into.
Think about a lifetime of work, paying into the system, then being told; you’re a bed-blocker, a drain on the system, the cause of the problems, no room for you.   But, if and when there is; we’ll grab what few quid you have left… make you pay twice.
 
The organisations ‘representing’ older people should hang their heads in shame.
There’s an ugly cult of slyly and sneakily blaming older people for what is essentially our our failure to notice their presence in the system…  entirely predictable.  We have had a generation to prepare, save up and get ready.
The way we treat our seniors is disgusting.  I predict a backlash.  The Boomers, articulate and net-savy will not put up with what my mother’s generation endured.  Super-agers will be a super-handful.
There’s a discrimination that care services would not get away with, with any other patient group.  I predict, this year, ageism will become as unacceptable as sexism.  A new organisation, with real clout, will emerge to change the face of eldercare’.

Dementia: Magic Moments

Mixed Dementia,

The last few days have been sprinkled with Magic Moments:

My visit to Coventry got off to a lovely start.  Seeing mum smiling, singing and tapping her feet when I played her some of her favourite tunes on my phone brought tears of joy to my eyes.

There were different emotions at work when I caught up with my brother in the afternoon.  When I saw ‘our kid’ barely able to raise a smile I was glad I was able to hide my tears behind my tinted spectacles.  Thankfully, my eldest daughter’s girls helped me to end the evening with joy in my heart.

London is always a culture shock to anyone living in a small seaside resort like Cleethorpes.  However, with help from the locals, I made it meet my middle daughter at Kew Gardens.  We spent a lovely afternoon together.  My introduction to her partner couldn’t have gone better.  True to form I had dropped off in the pub when he arrived for our first meeting.  Once I stirred it was a pleasure to see how happy they were with each others company.

Even more magic moments came from extending my stay in Coventry.  On Sunday my brother was a different person smiling constantly as I sat beside him.  It may have been the Santa hat that was perched precariously on his head that changed his demeanour.  Perhaps it was hearing the rock and roll that I played him on my phone.  On the other hand, it may have been how carefully I fed him his Sunday Lunch.

Mum dropped off to sleep shortly after I called to see her on Sunday afternoon.  However, I will never forget the beautiful hug we had together.  She stroked my arm as we held each other tightly, something we have rarely done before as we are not a touchy-feely family.

When I called in to see Maureen at Aldelea Care Home yesterday she was laying on a sofa saying she wanted to go home.  When I told her that she could she thought she was dreaming.  Since we have been back home together there have been magic moments that would fill page after page…………

 

Dementia: ‘My Inner Peace is Non- Negotiable’

Mixed Dementia

Today’s Buddhist teaching is once again from Gen Togden:

Togden is an inspirational teacher as are so many of his colleagues at the Buddhist Centre in Pocklington.  He says his ‘inner peace is non-negotiable’ and that must be a wonderful place to be!

I have decided to stay in Coventry for a while longer.  Once the roads are a little safer to drive on I will venture out from the warmth of the Spa of my hotel.  I am certain that the best Christmas present I can give my mum and brother is to spend further time with them today.

It is far too icy to take mum out but I’m sure once I call up her favourite music we will be ‘tripping the light fantastic’ once again.  I haven’t decided what I’ll get up to with my brother apart from companionship, as he sits alone in his favourite spot in the Dining Room of his Nursing Home.

A text to my eldest daughter is all that will be needed for the evening’s food and entertainment.  I’m sure she will provide a gastronomic delight and her girls will put on another show as they ask Alexa to support their activities.

Sending yourself to Coventry isn’t all bad if you know the right people! 

 

Dementia: Unforgettable

Mixed Dementia,

There is only one number of the week after the lovely day I had yesterday:

I arrived in Coventry just as my mum’s Care Home was open for visitors.  I only had an hour at my disposal as lunch had been moved forward to accommodate the evening Christmas Pantomime.

Once I called up YouTube on my phone mum was transformed.  She sang an danced the time away – from her chair of course.  Mum shuffles around these days: it took two carers to move her from her chair onto her walking frame before she could sit with me in the longe where visitors are welcome.

I’m not sure mum knew who I was but that didn’t matter.  She asked me several questions that suggested uncertainty about who this white-haired old fellow was who had come to see her.  On occasions, I thought we might be warned about our behaviour as silence seemed to be the order of the day amongst her fellow residents.  I began to wonder if laughter and joy were being saved for the evening’s festivities when mum would probably be asleep.

The hour came to an end far too quickly but I’m not sure mum would have had the energy for more of our antics.  She almost dropped off a couple of times in between having great fun as she flirted with me fluttering her eyes and making hand signals that had me in stitches as we acted out love songs together.  As I was leaving she asked me if I could take her with me to my house.  I told her a ‘love lie’ that I was on the bus and reassured her I would be back very soon.

My experience at my brother’s Nursing Home was upsetting.  He sat alone in his favourite chair in the Dining Room and hardly responded to my presence.   There were a couple of occasions when it is possible that Bill Haley and Elvis had an impact when he straightened up from his hunched position and gave me a smile.

Any visit to see my brother always raises the same questions.  I wonder if I’m seeing the progression of Alzheimer’s or the side effects of a medication regime that commenced when he was confined to an Acute Mental Health for six months. This is something I will never know but I have my suspicions that antipsychotic medication may have taken its toll on our kid!

The evening entertainment on offer was a sharp contrast to seeing my mum and brother.  My eldest daughter’s children were in great form.  They introduced me to Alexa who they accompanied with singing and imaginative dancing.  Whenever I visit my eldest daughter I am pleased that we encouraged her train as a chef and she didn’t disappoint last night!

It’s always good to finish the day on a positive note and the girls didn’t disappoint.  Seeing Alexa in action reminded me of George Rook’s latest blog where he sings the praises of his new friend.

I’m catching a train to London shortly to meet another one of my daughter’s.  This will be the first time I have seen her since she gained a Master’s Degree in Public Health: celebrations are in order!

 

Dementia: Going Dancing Again

Mixed Dementia,

 

Image result for Going Dancing Picture

Maureen and I strutted our stuff on the ‘dance floor’ at Alderlea Care Home yesterday.  How could I refuse a ladies invitation dance when my wife had said ‘can we do this one?’  I may be wrong but I think she even allowed me to lead as we moved around the floor.  Our dance was another indication of how settled Maureen has become at Alderlea.

I’m going to Coventry for more dancing this morning.  I need some further tuition from my mum.  She used to wait up for me on my return from Victor Sylvester’s all those years ago. Clad in her dressing gown she would help me to remember my steps.  Even if she is sleepy on my arrival at her Care Home I know I can get her feet tapping to Nat King Cole or Frank Sintra if I pick the right moment

I also think I can get the master of the jive, that big brother of mine, to reminisce about his days when they would be queuing up to partner him at the Locarno.   Elvis or Bill Haley will hopefully bring a smile to his face as he sits in his favourite spot in his Nursing Home.

I have yet to see a situation where music fails to transform those with dementia.  The Entertainments Organiser at Alderlea worked wonders yesterday.  She danced with those who needed a walking frame, held hands with those who were unable to stand and gave her wonderful smile to those who couldn’t speak.  Little wonder that Maureen has settled in a place where the staff always do their best for the residents.

 

Dementia: ‘I Don’t’

Mixed Dementia,

The following  is copied from Linkedin with the kind permission of Norman McNamara:

‘I DONT…………………..

I don’t get angry, I get frustrated,

I don’t mean to shout, I want to be heard,

I don’t mean to walk like I am drunk, I just can see properly,

I don’t want to keep repeating myself,

I don’t want to keep having “Little Accidents” so embarrassing,

I don’t want to see things that others cant see

I don’t want to be frightened to death

I don’t want to scream and shout every night,

I don’t want to hurt you when I am fighting in my sleep,

I DONT WANT TO DIE

I DONT WANT DEMENTIA, DO YOU ??

Norrms Mc Namara Diagnosed with dementia ‘

 

Dementia: What’s Good For The Cat!

Mixed Dementia, , ,

 

Image result for What's Good For The Cat picture

It is always good when you have placed a loved one in a Care Home to hear that they have settled.  During my time at Madhyamaka, I phoned up Alderlea Care Home several times to hear such reassuring words.  However, once I got my first stint of dental treatment out of the way yesterday I decided to ‘pop’  to see my ‘settled wife’.

I telephoned before my early afternoon visit to check that my presence wouldn’t upset the apple cart.  I got the green light along with a request to bring in some additional clothing as she was currently clad in her dressing gown and Pj’s.  What they didn’t add was that her top was back to front and her pants inside out.  She also had socks on and one slipper that didn’t belong to her.

Maureen seemed very settled when I saw her singing Christmas Carols as she stood trying to adjust her attire.  She didn’t seem particularly interested that I had turned up as she sang along to one carol after another.  I eventually joined her on a sofa and held her hand for a while – she told me ‘we didn’t need permission’ for such behaviour.   I only stayed for an hour as I had to return for further dental treatment.

Maureen was far from settled when I returned to Alderlea around 8 pm.  She was very distressed that she would need to ‘sleep on the floor because there were no beds available at her hotel’.  She was very pleased to see me and introduced me to a couple who had been looking after her.  Maureen mistakenly believed they were deaf and dumb.  She continued to make hand signals to them for a while but eventually joined in with the gentleman when he burst into song.

Maureen told me that she was exhausted as she had been walking around all day.  However, when I eventually found her room she couldn’t get out of there fast enough.  At ten ‘o’ clock I was encouraged to go home so that staff could get on with their night time routines.

I have only had a glimpse of what it is like to be ‘settled’ in Alderlea Care Home.   My initial impression is that staff are constantly under pressure to meet the complex needs of their residents.  Last night a resident had fallen and staff had to focus on keeping her comfortable until the paramedic arrived.  They would have missed some of the things that I saw going on and they would have been unaware that Maureen received more than her fair share of vitriol from another resident whose ‘tiredness’ had apparently taken its toll on her presentation.

My Admiral Nurse told me some time ago that ‘she wouldn’t leave her cat with someone she didn’t know’.  Hearing your wife is settled can be reassuring when you are away from home – seeing what that means is another matter.  To use the local lingo you can guess where I will be ‘popping’ or even ‘nipping’ to in the next few days.  I have to check if they are ‘kitten’ me!