Category Archives: Mixed Dementia

Dementia: Meditation Is The Answer

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Buddha was asked what have you gained from meditation Picture

Following a period of  considerable upset for Maureen, there are three simple solutions to alleviate a repetition of last night:

  1. Remove her car from our drive to prevent her focus on others breaking into it.
  2. Switch off a noisy radiator in our bedroom.
  3. Ensure that whenever she sleeps the room is not in total darkness.

We turned in early last night to sleep in the marital bedroom together anticipating the restful night that we both needed.  Maureen woke shortly after midnight and lambasted me for allowing other people to get into her car: she could see them sitting in it from the bedroom window.  Her diatribe continued for almost an hour with a level of personal abuse I had never experienced before.  At one stage I thought I would need to call for reinforcements to settle her down but I made do with a call to Single Point of Access.  Two hours later there was a different focus for her distress.

As I slept downstairs I heard a loud bang as Maureen hurriedly descended the stairs yelling about insects in her bedroom.  As she joined me in the lounge she said that there was a swarm of wasps attacking her. It didn’t take me long to assure her she was safe with me and I managed to settle her on her favourite sofa and she went to sleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

My three action points above give me a sporting chance of having a better sleep tonight.  I had phoned Single Point of Access to request our Key Worker to organise a night sitter but that is no ready-made solution as a female in the house overnight makes Maureen suspicious.  What has helped after being woken from deep sleep is a short period of meditation to enable me to clear my mind and go back to sleep.

I plan to blog again at 7 am as I post on a very special birthday.

 

Dementia: A Reality Check

Mixed Dementia, ,

Related image

I had a real warning yesterday – a distinct reality check. Maureen was distressed throughout the day: initially worrying she was being discriminated against, then making me aware of the consequences of stealing her car, before accusing me of negligence in my role as Manager of this Care Home.  Her offensive continued throughout the day at a time when I was struggling to stand because of severe pain in my left leg.

Having bilateral hip replacement has solved one set of problems but it has created others. I am no longer troubled by pain in my hip joints but there are days when I have aches and pains in my legs that I could do without. It is clear that sleep deprivation along with a poor sleep pattern is not giving my body a chance to recover from the daily pressures of being a Care Partner to someone who has moderate to severe dementia.

Maureen was on the attack again early this morning accusing me of feigning injury to gain her attention.  Ten minutes later she has cooled down and was pleased that my TENS Machine along with a turmeric based drink may have eased my troubled legs.  I hope she remains in good form as our Advocates for the Best Interest Meeting will be here in a few hours.

Two really positives from yesterday as opportunities for Carer Respite appear to be falling into place.  Firstly, in the morning I returned to Waltham House Care Home to explore a number of options.  I’m optimistic that we have thought through a way of Maureen sampling what is on offer there without causing further distress.   Secondly, in the evening I had a really supportive conversation with Maureen’s son, who despite a busy schedule is keen to help to keep his mum remain in her own home when I take a break.

The BIM is bound to focus the need to build Carer Respite into our Care Plan.  I am optimistic that plans are emerging that will preserve person-centred care for Maureen and ensure my role as her Care Partner is sustainable.  However,  the progressive nature of her condition means that our plans will always need to be flexible to take account of the dynamic nature of dementia.

Dementia: Seeking Person-Centred Respite

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Person Centred Care Picture

One thing that Maureen craves is to have more time with her family.  When we went to Nottingham last week she was a different person in the company of her brother and sister. There were times when she functioned so well that it was difficult to believe that she had dementia.  It was lovely to see her with familiar faces visiting old haunts from her childhood.

Maureen forgot that we had been with her family almost as soon as we turned the key to enter our home in Cleethorpes.  A few days later she has little idea how long it is since we have seen her brother and sister.  However, when I remind her of the sites we saw in Nottingham the smile on her face is captivating.  The following video uses a bookcase analogy to explain that the emotional memory remains intact even when dementia marches relentlessly on.

We have no immediate family in Cleethorpes so I have plans to make it easier for us to get together.  On Sunday we will travel to the Buddhist Centre in Pocklington to catch up with one of Maureen’s sons on Mother’s Day.  In April we will create a rendezvous in Lincoln to meet up with her other son. I’m hoping that these arrangements will become regular events in a monthly cycle.  I also hope to set in motion regular respite for myself which will also create more family time.

Maureen has never had a positive experience of Care Home based respite: either being bruised and battered or escaping from ‘captivity’. She has also retained the memory that we have ‘tricked her’ into going into Residential Care.  From my point of view telling Love Lies is a daily coping strategy but blatant deceit about Respite Care is a step too far: it will not be repeated.  Therefore, home-based care is the only option at this point in time.

I’m hoping that we will shortly establish a regular pattern of long weekend breaks. Ideally, this will involve me leaving here after Girl Friday arrives and returning before Girl Monday departs. I’m hoping that carer support will be supplemented by family presence while I’m taking a monthly break: a person-centred- approach to preventing Carer Burnout.  If things go according to plan such arrangements for April and May will be in place prior to the Best Interest Meeting on the 6th of April when Maureen’s future care and accommodation will be discussed.

Dementia: From The Inside

Mixed Dementia, ,

My Support Worker from the Grimsby Branch of the Alzheimer’s Society sent me this video a few days ago:

As I return to posting on this Blog following my self-imposed Gardening Leave the video reminds me that dementia is frequently giving Maureen a torrid time.  Therefore, my role as her Care Partner is to attempt to minimise her distress.

Dementia: RIP Chuck Berry

Mixed Dementia

This is a postcard from my spell on Gardening Leave – a tribute to a great musician:

Update: After checking this out with someone who knows I have just added a further song from Chuck.   We believe this was recorded at the Locarno in Coventry – my birthplace:

 

Dementia: On Gardening Leave

Mixed Dementia

Image result for On Gardening Leave Picture

I have decided to place myself on Gardening Leave from blogging for a while so that I can focus on some important matters.

Our decorator will be here shortly to begin to make subtle colour changes to make it easier for Maureen to find her way around the house.  Later in the morning, I’m scheduled to meet my Admiral Nurse where I want to review how we all aim to support Maureen as her dementia progresses.

With Spring firmly in the air, I also want to spend time in our garden planting seeds and tending my vegetable plot. Our builder is imminent to make our patio safer by replacing paving slabs with concrete.  Maureen loves to be out in the fresh air and there are one or two others things that need to be done so she can bask safely in this lovely sunshine in the comfort of our garden.  I’ll be back soon after a short while on gardening leave from blogging

Dementia: What A Bloomer!

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I blew it last night to spoil a really positive start to our short- break in Nottingham. My Bloomer was quite simple: I went to bed and left Maureen listening to music with her brother in his kitchen. When I replay my action I just slipped away and went to bed without even saying goodnight. We all paid for my shortsighted behaviour, fueled by tiredness, later.

Maureen’s reaction to being encouraged to sleep in a strange bed with an old geezer was unsurprising. The old fellow with sleep in his eyes was not her husband, nothing and no one could persuade her otherwise. After a considerable disturbance with verbal abuse hurled in all directions she bedded down on a sofa in the safety of the lounge.

The old geezer managed to get her in bed beside him at half two after she emerged from the bathroom. Maureen bedded down beside her husband like a lamb and has slept fitfully since.

We are planning to see Maureen’s sister this morning. This will be a major distraction for us all: visiting someone who lives alone and has serious memory problems of her own. My guess would be that Maureen will be at her compassionate best this morning as she coaches her little sister on how to cope with her own memory issues!

Dementia: Moderate To Severe?

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Image result for dementia picture

In my opinion, there is a need to review Maureen’s current presentation and her diagnosis of moderate to severe dementia. The last time any review took place was eight months ago. In the last few weeks, there have been significant changes in her presentation along with a further decline in her cognitive and functional ability.

I am meeting my Admiral Nurse on Thursday and will request an assessment by Occupational Therapy from the Memory Service.  They will be able to advise me on suitable adaptations for our home and how to continue to be a supportive Care Partner

One thing I am clear about is how Maureen thrived on Thursday during our ‘Away Day’ in Coventry.  She was in such good form in my brother’s Nursing Home that the audience grew as news of her dancing spread.  Dan the Man will be here again on Tuesday and we’ll be off again for another break from Cleethorpes.  The following week offers even better opportunities for taking ‘Maureen to the Mountain’ with an important 18th birthday party and Mother’s Day.

I don’t see any rush for the forthcoming Best Interest Meeting and I’m hoping that those who have to be wary of the Mental Capacity Act will have the grace to cut us a little further slack so we can add a little more normality into our lives.

Maureen is always keen for ‘Ginger’ to come to see us and I sincerely hope that in relation to the BIM our Key Worker is the only person who visits our home in the next two weeks!

 

Dementia: Dan The Man To The Rescue

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Young Chauffeur picture

There is little doubt that we have had a narrow escape from the traditional route that Care Partners consider when they are jaded: seeking Respite Care for their loved one.

We both feel rejuvenated from our trip to Coventry on Thursday.  Whenever we think of the smile we put on both my brother’s and mother’s face we know that we got that part of our journey right.  When I think of the route I might have taken to deal with my tiredness I shudder when I remember the result of that path for my brother.

Respite Care led to a disaster for my brother.  His wife was worn out and placed him in Respite Care.  He struggled with his new environment was eventually accused of assaulting a member of staff and was Sectioned and taken to a Mental Health Unit.   They detained him for six months as no Care Home felt able to cope with the resultant challenging behaviour.

My brother has never been a violent man.  Alzheimer’s has clearly changed him and he is now a shadow of his former self.  What on earth they medicated him with defies belief  He didn’t speak on Thursday: words are rare from this lovely gentle man.  He sat in his favourite chair smiling at us on Thursday  – perhaps we were a distant memory in his damaged brain.

My mum’s story is rather different she is in her Care Home by choice  When dad died she couldn’t cope with living alone.  She was adamant she wanted somewhere where there were no men.  Her Care Home is small former farm house where she is well cared for.  However, I often wonder if she has prematurely lost the ability to walk unaided as sitting looking at the centre of the room seems to be her main activity.

When I was jaded earlier in the week I explored Respite Care for Maureen.  I’m so pleased that she declined my attempt to have a break from my role as her Care Partner.  What a mistake that would have been: we would have missed out on bringing such joy to my mother and brother.  I feel rejuvenated that we have found a better way forward: we will remain on this journey together as we vowed when we married.

We’ll be on our travels again next week.  Airport Travel is an excellent local company and they are very attentive to our needs.  I have a couple of ideas where ‘Dan the Man’ could take us to next week: I’ll just have to see where Maureen fancies going on the day!

 

Dementia: A Good Result

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for A Good Result Picture

Maureen was in great form throughout our trip to Coventry yesterday.  She was at her compassionate best as we entertained both my brother and mother.

My brother and mother may not have known who we were but it was obvious they enjoyed our company.  It is such a shame that safeguarding prevents me from sharing the joy on my brothers face as we danced holding his hand as he sat in his favourite spot in the residents dining room.  Mum is certainly keeping my big brother and me safe 70 years ago in the photograph.  She was lifted so much by our antics yesterday that one staff member suggested a regular booking: hearing her sing along to Nat King Cole; fluttering her eyes to Unforgettable was heartening.

Yesterday gave me a stark reminder of Maureen’s basic needs if she ever goes into  Respite: just what my mum enjoys a Women Only  Care Home.  One thing my mum and Maureen have in common is they are both frightened of men.

On our homeward journey were both very tired but pleased with what we had achieved during our visit to Coventry.  We had even managed a late lunch with our granddaughter and her dad.

I’m not sure we will attempt a day trip again as an overnight stay would have given us an opportunity to catch up with more relatives.  That is a minor lesson from yesterday compared to reminding myself of Maureen’s fear of men!