Category Archives: Mixed Dementia

Dementia: Expensive Distraction and Redirection

Mixed Dementia

Image result for Mitsubishi ASX PictureShortly after breakfast yesterday Maureen asked me ‘if I was ready to go home’.  She looked so distressed as I dithered trying to think of how to distract her from her focus.  My initial ploy was to talk about buying a new car as our Space Star is 15 years old.  Maureen seemed to warm to the idea and told me I should treat myself.  Then I decided to play a trump card by introducing a toddler into proceedings.

Image result for Girl Toddler Picture

I had noticed a delightful youngster across the road on Saturday and encouraged her mum to introduce her to Maureen.  As soon as Hattie Belle was through the door I knew I was onto a winner.  In fact, after she left I wondered if I had bitten off more than I could chew as Maureen appeared to become broody: resolving that little matter would require very expensive conception!

My preparation for this afternoon’s visit by two Occupational Therapists is already paying dividends.  Maureen has been active in the bookcase filling the empty spaces I have created.  A vest wrapped in a tea towel that she brought to me yesterday in is now safely tucked away in its new home.  This followed an attempt to make a cup of tea with pudding rice and hot water.  Although her diagnosis remains moderate to severe dementia her functional ability is now a shadow of what it was nine months ago!

Dementia: A Break In Hostilities

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Aggression Dementia Picture

Truce broke out in the ongoing hostilities here yesterday as Maureen and I spent a peaceful day together. The day got off to a good start as for once we woke up together in the same bed. This meant early morning tea took place in the comfort of the marital bedroom.  Maureen has a cunning way of requesting more lubrication by singing ‘I like a nice cup of tea in the morning’.

Just to put the record straight, sneezing was the main activity in the bedroom as both of our colds said ‘good morning’.  This again gave me an opportunity to show TLC by providing an endless supply of tissue. Maureen remained in good form as we moved downstairs for breakfast.   A couple of hours later she was asleep when Girl Saturday arrived.: on waking her response was remarkable.

I had changed a Carer Sit call to a Domestic as we were in need of assistance with ironing and cleaning.  As I pottered in the garden I saw Maureen show how pleased she was to see Girl Saturday, ironing in the kitchen, greeting her with a hug along with a beautiful smile.  Two hours later ‘the girls’ had made the house cleaner and tidier.  Such an about turn by Maureen who often complains that the carers have made her work!

We spent the afternoon dozing in the lounge.  As we enjoyed an early evening stroll around the block the chilly air convinced us that we had made the right decision to cancel our chauffeur, stay local and rest, rather than enduring a long car journey to catch up with family.

Maureen went to bed at seven last night and it was half six this morning before the Tea Boy was on duty.  As I type this post I’m awaiting a musical hint that her cup needs replenishing!

Dementia: Sneezing Leads To Optimism

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Elderly Woman Sneezing PictureMaureen woke up very confused this morning. As I lay beside her in bed I watched and listened as she tried to come to terms with her reality.  Her questions to me about ‘drawing a picture and have they told us what to do yet’ left me bemused.  Then something wonderful happened she started sneezing: what a relief she has a cold!

It is possible that a viral infection is behind her current presentation.  Last night the Out of Hours Clinic almost ruled out a UTI and I expect the Lab Report to confirm in a few days.  So I’m hedging my bets on a cold being behind Maureen’s challenging presentation of the last few days.

We received excellent support yesterday from so many quarters as I attempted to deal with the different challenges that Maureen presented throughout the day.   Despite serious pressure on resources, North East Lincs strive to support carers and help them to keep their loved ones at home.  I am often spoiled for choice in who to contact when the going gets tough and support is available 24/7.  It doesn’t get much better than the Chair of our Best Interest Meeting being the Duty Worker when I needed advice from the Memory Service at 9 ‘o’ clock yesterday morning!

Our campaign to have a Care Coordinator for Maureen is really paying dividends.  She requested Occupational Therapy input which is leading to some really positive developments.  Two OT’s will be here on Monday afternoon to give advice on improving the potential for cognitive stimulation for Maureen within our home.

After an incident yesterday afternoon, I have reviewed my approach to Maureen going out by herself.  When she was frog-marched back to me by well-meaning neighbours she let rip in my direction for telling them she was unsafe to be out alone.  Therefore, I will trail her at a distance for a while so that the locals will know I’m on the case and Maureen is in safe hands.

It isn’t often you are grateful that you need to fetch your wife more tissues when she has run out.  This morning I’m delighted to be the Andrex Puppy to keep her well stocked and keep my fingers crossed that when the sneezing stops Mrs Dementia will leave us alone for a while longer!

Dementia: Fear, Hallucinations, and Recriminations

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Fear Hallucinations recriminations Dementia Picture

The last 12 hours have been the most challenging I have experienced since Maureen’s diagnosis of dementia.  I have tried everything I know and in the end, I have left her to rant.  This morning after a couple of hours sleep I have woken up to someone who has been too frightened to go to the toilet during the night. However, following my guidance to the utility room she has immediately returned to the attack.

I have already alerted Single Point of Access to the need to speak to our Duty Worker this morning.  We will need to rule out a UTI and I will contact our Medical Centre when they open for business.  Unfortunately, the dip test is only a guide and our G P recommends waiting for the Lab Report before I battle with Maureen over further medication.

Things went from bad to worse yesterday. the beauty therapist phoned to cancel her visit as she had double booked and decided to refer us to a colleague.  Maureen was very unhappy that I left her with Girl Thursday as I went out to meet our Key Worker to review our Care Plans under cover of a shopping mission.  As I left my disgruntled wife said that she ‘might not be here on my return’.

Despite following helpful suggestions to address Maureen ‘wanting to go home‘ in the afternoon and evening made little impact.  Nothing shifted her from the position that ‘she didn’t live here and I was keeping her here against her will’.  Towards midnight her fear was palpable as she had ‘nowhere to sleep, no female company and lots of strange men around’.

This morning I’m being accused of all sorts of things and ‘should be ashamed of the games I’m playing’.  There are links to the war and my parents being ashamed of my behaviour.  I’m finding it difficult to keep up with Maureen’s reality and I’m trying to stay out of the firing line.  My feeling is that she is waiting for an opportunity to escape from ‘her prison’ and it is one of those occasions where I will let her run it off.  Such positive risk taking is preferable to creating further distress by locking her in and treating her like a child.  It will be interesting to read the Occupational Therapist’s view on this matter!

To Do List This Morning:

  • Progress checking for UTI
  • Seek advice from Maureen’s Care Coordinator on how to respond to her current presentation.
  • Request our Key worker to put yesterday’s plans on hold and arrange immediate additional support.
  • Relax in the Sauna and Spa at the Leisure Centre.

Footnote: Sincere thanks to those who used my Blog and Twitter to support me during a difficult night.  It’s just Amazing how much Blogging helps when you are dealing with dementia.  I wouldn’t want to risk any further Safeguarding Issues by naming anyone!

Dementia: Combination Therapy

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Natural Remedies for Low Mood picture

Maureen seems rather down at the moment which isn’t at all surprising when you consider what she has to contend with as dementia marches relentlessly on.  Therefore, I have introduced some tried and tested natural remedies for improving memory, lifting mood and regaining contact with family:

  • I have replaced rosemary sprigs all over the house as they had lost their aroma.
  • I have put orange peel in the lounge to add a positive fragrance to the room.
  • I have massaged and placed a heated wheat bag on Maureen’s left foot as it is always cold.
  • I have booked her a home pedicure and manicure for 2 pm this afternoon.
  • I  have booked a chauffeur driven day out on Saturday so we can reconnect with  Maureen’s  family.

Follow the links underlined above for references on the effectiveness of these remedies: only time will tell how well Maureen responds to this combination therapy.

There will be further combination therapy taking place at 11 am this morning when I meet with our Key Worker to review our Care Plans.  I’m not convinced that more of the same is required: we need to consider some significant changes to our Care Plans to ensure that they remain person-centred.

Dementia: ‘Feelings Matter Most’ (Sheard)

Mixed Dementia,

Our Key Worker was with us for about an hour yesterday as part of his assessment of Maureen following the Best Interest Meeting.  As always she was pleased to see him and after he had gone she said; ‘I think he’s pleased with us’.   She went on to say that she believed he had the authority to split us up, even send us to separate Care Homes but she didn’t think he would ever do that.

Earlier in the year, a Manager from our Memory Service pointed me in the direction of David Sheard who asserts that feelings matter most when someone has dementia.  I have no idea if our Key Worker has ever heard of the man but he always leaves Maureen with a positive feeling and as he left she said: ‘please call again’

I look forward to meeting our Key Worker on Thursday when we will attempt to put ‘the meat on the bones’ of our Support Package.   Maureen and I continue to count our blessings for the professional and sensitive approach of the man!

Dementia: Opportunity Knocks Today

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for opportunity knocks pictures

Our Key Worker is due at two this afternoon to begin the process of reviewing our Support Package.  He is the only professional that Maureen remembers although she has recently reverted to calling him ‘Mr. Fish’ after months of referring to him as ‘Ginger’.  I’m not sure what she will call him after today’s visit but I expect his trademark of treating us with dignity and respect will remain.  As Maureen lacks capacity decisions have already been made about her future care and accommodation at a Best Interest Meeting, almost a month ago.

I find it a little concerning that I have yet to receive the minutes of the BIM.  However, the decision for Maureen to remain at home was unlikely to have surprised any of the attendees.  The meeting also tidied up our relationship with members of the Multi-Disciplinary Team: with the Home Treatment Team and Maureen’s Care Coordinator bowing out of proceedings.  The former I understand the latter a disappointing feature of Vascular Dementia i.e. no treatment and discharge from the Memory Service.

There is little doubt that Maureen’s dementia continues to progress.  What is unclear at the moment is whether infection or a dip is behind her current presentation.  However, there is clarity about one issue our current Support Package is inadequate and continues to put me at risk of Carer Burnout.

Maureen made a comment very early this morning that is a sobering reflection on her situation.: ‘No one really wants me: not even you.  I know you need a life of your own and have to pay people to look after me.  I wish I could go somewhere else to be looked after by people who really cared about me’.  She is in no doubt about those who care about her and those who say they care about her.  What she doesn’t understand is that self-preservation may mean that I may need to defect to the latter camp unless an improved Support Plan is forthcoming. Then she will be looked after by those who are paid to care for her!

Dementia: Happy May Day

Mixed Dementia

I looked at the calendar a short while ago and realised it was May Day.  There is only one song that I always play when the going gets tough here and it could not be more appropriate today:

There are some people who suggest that there is no such thing as social class.  I would pose to them one simple question: who owns the yacht?  Another famous quote from my brother in law the owner of The Sanctuary!

Dementia: Thank Goodness For 256256

Mixed Dementia,

I do not know what I would do without our Single Point of Access ( tel:256256).  This morning they have helped me once again.  Shortly after 6 ‘o’clock,  they have advised me that I can drop a sample off at G P Out of Hours to establish if Maureen has a UTI.  The Laboratory may not be accessible to the public on a Bank Holiday but staff will be working and we should get the result in a couple of days.

By the middle of the week, we will know if the infection is behind Maureen’s extreme fluctuations in her presentation that plagued her on Sunday.  There is no let up for her this morning with concerns about a children’s party that is being planned and mad parents dressing their little ones up in ridiculous outfits.  She keeps telling me how frightened she is all of the time.

One significant difference yesterday was her fears that she was becoming a burden to me because of her poor memory.   I sang this one to her this morning to reassure her on that front:

My singing appears to have eased Maureen back to sleep and further rest might ease her troubled mind.  Girl Monday will be here at ten to support the sample securing process which might be a little easier with a recent purchase.  I will then hot foot it down to Grimsby Hospital so that we will know as soon as possible if we are dealing with an infection or further changes in Maureen’s condition.

Maureen has just woken as I’m about to post telling me how ridiculous the party is and how frightened she feels at the moment: her fear is palpable!

Dementia: ‘You Are No Spring Chicken’

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for You are No Longer A Spring Chicken picture

I need to sort myself out and get back into a sensible routine following Maureen’s stay in Respite Care.  Firstly, I need to resume blogging on a daily basis as it is an important therapy and a means of keeping on top of things.  Secondly, I need to act my age (71) and accept as my Key Worker often says: ‘you are no longer a Spring Chicken’.

Friday did not go at all well with Maureen rejecting any of the Occupational Therapists attempt to leave us with an Easy Bather.  Maureen was so affronted by the idea that she took off and it was some time before a stranger helped her to find her way home.  He greeted me with those supportive words ‘I understand’ which is so reassuring when you are trying to support someone with dementia and is typical of the folk around here.  It is a shame I didn’t understand her resistance to something that would have really helped me to relieve the pain in my aching limbs.  One thing I do understand but fail to accept is my age as I continue to act like a Spring Chicken and this is something I have to address.

So acting my age begins from now with:

  • Simple menus and cooking double amounts so that meals can be frozen.
  • Using the dishwasher on a regular rather than occasional basis.
  • Reducing the workload in the garden with fewer pots to tend etc.
  • Taking painkillers to ease my aching limbs.
  • Carrying out the exercise regime from my physiotherapist.
  • Trying to ensure that we both have a scheduled rest every afternoon.

Our Key Worker will be here on Tuesday afternoon to review our Support Package and this is an opportunity for Focus Adult Social Care to put their money where their mouth is and consider what these two old birds now need!