No news must be good news as there has been no contact from Alderlea Care Home.
I will give them a ring before I leave for my Pilgrimage To Paddington to check Maureen has all she needs.
I’m just off to the Leisure Centre for more Spa and Sauna.
Category Archives: Mixed Dementia
Dementia: A Piece Of Cake
Shortly after 2 pm yesterday, our Key Worker eased Maureen into Alderlea Care Home with the prospect of coffee and cake. Her trust in him is well founded. It is lovely to watch his person-centred approach, which has clearly won the trust of someone who is often suspicious of the motives of professional staff. We are very fortunate to have a Key Worker who is passionate about ensuring Maureen remains at home!
From what I have seen so far Maureen is in good hands at Alderlea Care Home for the next week. My reception when I turned up unannounced yesterday morning was first class. Despite being in the throes of a busy morning everyone I came into contact with made time for me and gave me positive vibes about the place.
One of my shortcomings is that first impressions count with me and the last time I popped into Alderlea I didn’t like the look or the feel of the place. In retrospect, my judgement may have been coloured by seeing a dear old friend who had become a shadow of herself. Sadly this beautiful lady has passed away as have my memories of being shocked by her decline. Yesterday, I saw the place through different eyes: somewhere full of potential for my dear wife to have a positive experience.
The room allocated for Maureen has been nicely decorated and has the view of a garden that she will be able to walk around whenever she needs fresh air. Alderlea is very spacious and there are lots of areas to explore and plenty of places to sit including a large conservatory.
Before I bade our Key Worker farewell yesterday and thanked him for his support I outlined how I saw how our Support Plan needed review:
- Respite breaks every 4 weeks ( something I have been reluctant to accept)!
- Carers to focus on stimulation and activity rather than providing a sitting service
- Carers to provide lunch at the weekend.
I will be with the early birds at the Leisure Centre shortly to loosen up this old body of mine. On my return, I will begin to make some headway in another mountain of paperwork and take action on some pressing matters. I will leave Alderlea to it for the coming week confident that they are well qualified, as a Home that specialises in dementia, to look after Maureen: I know they will contact me if they need to!
Dementia: Pipe Dreams
I have to hold my hand up and admit my plans to take Maureen to London for the day have been a pipe dream. This realisation came to me belatedly yesterday when the challenges from Maureen’s presentation were coming thick and fast. What I had chosen to ignore was a question posed to me by Girl Tuesday, when she herself had been under attack: ‘what if she goes off on one when you are in London?’
I have never seen or heard Maureen in the state she got herself into yesterday. The things she said about me do need repeating and accusations about a relationship with Girl Tuesday were insulting. It was sad to hear Maureen tell her favourite carer to ‘get out of her house’ and accuse her of being ‘a loose woman’. G T sensibly kept her distance as Maureen constantly invaded her space and eventually I advised her to leave early for her own safety. As always G T showed her undoubted skills; completely unhindered by being six months pregnant.
Our Key Worker will be here this afternoon to help the transition of Maureen into a Care Home for four nights. He bailed me out yesterday, promptly finding another option when Ashgrove said they were no longer staffed to cope with Maureen following my cancellation of our booking on Monday.
It will be interesting to see how Maureen reacts to being in Alderlea and whether Care Homes always turn out to be her worst nightmare!
Footnote: I drafted the above late last night during a calmer moment. This morning I am no longer ‘Public Enemy Number One’: Maureen thinks I’m her dad. She is ranting this morning about all sorts of things as she walks about the house and garden.
Taking Maureen to London was my Pipe Dream anyone who thinks my current Support Package is adequate is suffering from similar hallucinations. I’m posting early this morning so I can concentrate onto containing Maureen until our Key Worker arrives at 1.30 to help me get Maureen into Alderlea so I can enjoy some much-needed RESPITE!
Dementia: ‘I’m So Frightened’
When Maureen lay on the sofa yesterday evening following an afternoon in the sun she said to me: ‘I feel so frightened’. She went on to tell me how difficult it was to do simple things and how her confidence had been shattered. I tried to reassure that I would always try to help her just as she had done for me during difficult times in my life.
I didn’t like to tell Maureen that I had been struggling to understand her presentation for most of the day. It was late afternoon before I grasped what was behind the changes in her reality when she said ‘I didn’t know where I was until I saw all that loosestrife; then I knew I was in my garden’:
Then she revealed what had really spooked her yesterday. A new carer had turned up and grilled her with questions during the morning. Maureen thought this was a Memory Test in the preparation for readmitting her into a Care Home. This may have sparked a challenging evening and a dreadful night. Thank goodness I have decided to take her with me to London on Friday rather than recreating her worst nightmare: locked up in a strange place!
It was after 3 ‘o’clock this morning before Maureen was able to lay down on the couch. I had listened to her monologue via the Baby Monitor between brief naps as I lay on the bed in the spare room. Fortunately, it is a good day for grounding Maureen after a period of abject confusion. It is likely that the presence of Girl Tuesday along with my sister and her husband will be just what the doctor ordered: with her jailer becoming her husband once again.
The odds of being able to persuade Maureen to get into the chauffeur’s car on Friday have lengthened. If this hot spell continues I think the odds will go out even further. At 5 am I am still The Enemy with abuse being hurled in my direction whenever the opportunity arises. My inclination at the moment is to keep my money where my mouth is rather than bringing about Maureen’s worst nightmare!
At 5 am I am still ‘The Enemy’ with abuse being hurled in my direction whenever the opportunity arises. However, with regard, to the trip to Lond, n my inclination is to keep my money where my mouth is rather than bringing about Maureen’s worst nightmare. Just as I am about to post this Blog Maureen has asked me if she can share my bed as she is so frightened!
Dementia: Saved By Sheard
David Sheard has prevented me from making a real bloomer on Friday with my planned Pilgrimage To Paddington. His assertion that feelings matter most has caused me to change my plans in a positive direction.
I shudder to think how Maureen would have felt if I had excluded from meeting Tom Schuller and Irving Kirsch on Friday: two people who have had such a significant impact on our lives.
We were work colleagues when I did my Masters Degree under Tom’s stewardship, thirty years ago. More recently, his suggestion that music therapy might be beneficial has transformed our lives.
Irving’s research has helped us both to see that the ‘chemical imbalance’ explanation for depression is a fallacy and antidepressants are not automatically the panacea. Maureen rejected antidepressants when they were offered by Mental Heath Nurses from the Memory Service shortly after her stroke. However, a Senior Manager from the same department did us a real favour a short while ago when he alerted me to the work of David Sheard.
I have now booked a chauffeur to take us both to London on Friday and made the arrangements more dementia friendly. We will now avoid Central London by picking Irving up in Reading and meeting Tom in Ealing. A gradual introduction to two new faces, who are both Professors will hopefully minimise the potential for distress.
An added bonus of our plans is that our chauffeur is familiar with dementia as his mother has the condition!
Footnote: Click <HERE> for my weekly cognitive stimulation summary.
Dementia: Reminiscing From Dawn Until Dusk
Reminiscing was a constant feature of yesterday. I started as soon as I woke remembering the events of 45 years ago when my first child was born. I had taken my wife into the nearby Maternity Unit on the previous day with high blood pressure. A knock came on the door early the next day with a neighbour asking me ‘If I knew my wife had given birth to a little girl’.
When my sister and her husband arrived at noon lots of memories came flooding back of their kindness to us over the years. They had brought enough food with them to keep us going without turning the cooker on for a couple of days: great stock for my mission of Reclaiming The Weekends.
After lunch, I selected some vinyl and we played ‘spot that tune’ attempting to test my brother in laws memory of tunes from a while ago. As a former band member, his recollection of popular music of our era is outstanding. Although I did catch him out with Anne Murray:
Another good friend came by in the afternoon to remind Maureen of her friendship with a young man. Blackie popped into the garden several times to pick up his daily supply of grapes and take them back to family in a nearby tree.
As I was watering plants in towards dusk music from Tribute Bands from a concert a short distance away drifted across our garden. When they played Mr Tambourine Man I was taken back to a week in Margate at the age of 18 and Dominique my holiday romance.
The only downside to what Maureen described as ‘a lovely day’ was me needing treatment for hay fever for the first time in my life. It took me a while to recognise the symptoms as I had never suffered before. Even my discomfort had a positive outcome as the cognitive stimulation Maureen got from our trip to the pharmacy at Tesco had to be seen to be believed: she was in her element as she supported me to find a solution to my sore eyes and runny nose.
Dementia: Reclaiming Weekends
My sister and her husband will be here at noon with lunch. They offered, once again to bring all we need to give me a break from my duties as the resident chef. This fits in very nicely with my plans to reclaim weekends as time off.from my duties as the resident chef. Last week Girl every other Sunday prepared our lunch and made it a day of rest.
Care Partners having weekends: whatever next- watch this space!
Dementia: ‘Listen To Carers’
As Carers Week draws to a close Beth Britton makes a salutary point: ‘Listen To Carers’. This extract from her blog, D4Dementia, is reproduced with her kind permission:
‘My interview with Havas Lynx where I talk about the wealth of knowledge and experience carers have and the importance of capturing that
The challenge for all of us, however, is to find ways of capturing carer knowledge – at every juncture of a carer’s life – to benefit others, be they family carers or professionals. And if you are a health or social care professional, NEVER consider yourself more learned or accomplished than a family carer, be they a current or former family carer. That unique pull of circumstances and emotions creates a rarefied learning experience that really is – both positively and sometimes negatively – second to none’.
I consider myself very fortunate that our Key Worker always stresses the importance of ‘being led by me’. He made this point again yesterday when I was asserting Maureen’s presentation is often a reaction rather than evidence of progression of dementia: time will tell if I’m really getting my message across!
Dementia: Saved By Talk Talk
I’ve had to pull out all the stops today to distract and redirect Maureen from her distress following the visit by our Key Worker yesterday. Then disaster struck when our phone line went down in the morning so no music via YouTube. I have to hand it to Talk Talk they fixed the problem very quickly and Maeve was back on the screen and her Nana was singing along and clapping after every number:
What would really put the icing on the cake now is a phone call confirming that Maeve and her dad will be visiting us in Cleethorpes very soon!
I know I’m tempting fate by posting at this time as there is still possibly a long night ahead. However, as Carers Week is drawing to a close I want to post about the importance of ‘Listening To Carers’ tomorrow.
Dementia: Pain Without Any Gain!
We are both in considerable pain this morning: Maureen is in mental anguish and I’m in physical discomfort.
Our troubles began early yesterday evening when Maureen woke from a nap completely disoriented. Her first concern was that someone had moved our toilet facilities and there was nowhere to relieve herself. This then moved onto distress about a missing boy and the trouble she would be in for not looking after him. Searches around the local area were not fruitful and heightened her concerns. My distraction strategies hardly made any difference and she was far from settled as I went to bed at 10’o’ clock.
At two ‘o’ clock this morning Maureen disclosed that she was concerned about yesterday’s visit by our Key Worker and a colleague. They were progressing a DoLS Application. Maureen is trying to work out what was behind his searching questions? Such thoughts must be so disturbing to someone who feels professional staff have the capacity to lock her up and throw away the key. I think she may have grasped that arrangements to deprive her of her liberty are about to be formalised.
I will be seeking a meeting with our Key Worker to look at how we address the distress that has followed his visit. I will also be requesting an urgent appointment with my G P to seek some resolution to the pain in the right shoulder. There are some immediate measures I can take to deal with my pain: Maureen’s discomfort is not as easy to address!
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 