Category Archives: Mixed Dementia

Dementia: She’s Landed A Beauty!

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Black Eye pictureMaureen landed a beauty last night and I expect to have a shiner this morning.  She thought I was trying to force her to sleep with me and lashed out with venom making contact with the area around my left eye.  Anybody who is aware of Maureen’s history will understand her fears about what can go on in the bedroom even when you are married!

It took lorazepam and two visits from the Night Patrol of our Care Agency before Maureen felt safe enough to sleep in her own home.  I’m hoping that a quarter of a tablet will mean that she has a good rest and is still able to enjoy the fresh air she loves today.

It isn’t surprising that Maureen lost her bearings last night after a tiring day with far too many people here.  At one stage we had five workmen here along with three relatives and a carer.  The various comings and going throughout the day would have drained anyone.

If my shiner is as pronounced as I expect it to be will be I will tell Maureen I walked into a door.  There is no way I want to remind her of the dreadful experiences that led to her lashing out last night: they are best forgotten.  What I will refresh her memory of is the lovely time she had with her brother and a beautiful walk we had around the Boating Lake after another visit to McDonald’s.  I might even take her for yet another Raspberry McFlurry today because we did ‘have a nice day’ but oh what a night!

Maureen is very confused this morning: at 8 am I will telephone Clee Medical Centre to request a home visit for a review of her physical health.

Dementia: Keeping The Pressure On

Mixed Dementia

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It took three heating engineers to replace worn out radiators yesterday.  Maureen must have realised there was no gain without pain and ended up serenading them with Happy Talk as they worked around her in the lounge.  This was a very different Maureen to the one they had heard earlier when she let rip at Girl Tuesday accusing her of all sorts of misdemeanors.  I joked with the owner of the company that we wouldn’t charge him too much for helping his men to become dementia friendly.

The men will be here shortly to start the process of bringing water to our shower room and heating to the Sun Room.  They will be joined by an electrician at noon who will begin his first fix.  If everything goes according to plan the New Wing of our Care Home might be completed in two weeks.

Our heating system is pressure sensitive if it falls below 0.5 bar it will cut out.  That is an issue that we can now put behind us as our central heating is better than it has been for years.  Outdated radiators have been replaced and with most other things in hand concerning our extension, it is time to focus on the approach to supporting Maureen.  I need to keep the pressure on for clarification on her diagnosis: is her dementia predominantly vascular or  Alzheimer’s?  There also needs to be a consensus on a treatment plan that is streets away from Prescribed Disengagement (Swaffer).  I only wish I had another two good men or women at my side!

The other area where I need to keep the pressure on is to encourage family members to visit more often.  Maureen was a revelation when her brother and sister in law were here yesterday.   She loved talking about the good old days and being with people who she knows love her dearly.  They are popping in again this morning before their homeward journey to Nottingham.

Dementia: Trazodone – No Thanks!

Mixed Dementia, ,

 

 

Image result for No thanks PictureIt would be tempting to start Maureen on Trazodone after the events in the early hours  This medication has been  prescribed by a Specialist Doctor who has assessed Maureen and knows what lies ahead:

  • Maureen waking in the early hours not knowing who I am and accusing me of keeping her here against her will so I can have my wicked way with her.
  • An hour or two later she waking again wanting to go home but cannot find any clothes to wear.
  •  Having accidents after using the toilet and ending up in wet clothing.
  • Letting me have it with both barrels until she runs out of steam and falls asleep

I have been advised that putting Maureen on Trazodone will ‘make my life easier’ or ‘to let the Services do their job’  – an inference that there is no other way than to open the bottle.

What stops me from giving Maureen the fix is that from my perspective Trazodone is a one way street to a chemical cosh.  In no way is that a criticism of the Services that are trying to support us: it is a rejection of a medical model for dealing with dementia that is far from person-centered.

Maureen is sensitive to most medication: one tablet of citalopram put her in hospital.  The only blood pressure tablet she tolerates is lisinopril: she has had adverse reactions to any others that have been tried.  The passage below is almost a Black Box warning for someone with dementia:

‘Common side effects of trazodone include:

  • Headache.
  • Muscle ache.
  • Nausea, vomiting, loss of appetite, or stomachache.
  • Constipation or diarrhea.
  • Loss of interest in sex (erectile dysfunction in men)
  • Dizziness or loss of balance.
  • Dry mouth or dry eyes.
  • Numbness, burning, or tingling sensations.
More items…

 

Subjecting Maureen to Trazodone covertly is something she would not tolerate in any shape or form.  Therefore, there has to be another way to deal with this aspect of her current presentation.  She had a ‘Sofa Day’ yesterday: that is really something to focus upon!

No medication will quieten things down when plumbers arrive in number around 8.30. They will be making a lot of noise as they begin to create our new shower room. I’m not sure how I’m going to hold the fort until Maureen’s brother and his wife arrive mid morning.  Perhaps, the ensuing racket will persuade to get off the sofa and she will sleep like a newly born baby tonight!

 

Dementia: No Pain No Gain

Mixed Dementia

Posted at 5.30 am – a further post is likely later.

Image result for no Gain Without Pain Picture

There is little doubt that living on a Building Site is continuing to distress Maureen.  She made that clear when I eventually got her home yesterday by asking me ‘when is that man was going to come back to clear up his mess’.  She also told me that she ‘was only staying here because no-one else wanted her’.  There is little I can do about either of these situations: workmen need to be here for another four weeks and her nearest and dearest are conspicuous by their absence even on Bank Holidays!

My judgment about avoiding Care Homes at the moment has been confirmed by two conversations I’ve had over the weekend.  On Saturday we were chatting to a mother of a carer who works at a local Care Home and she said her daughter had told her that none of her workmates would ever encourage a loved one to take up residence in such places.

Yesterday a kind lady, who was very supportive to Maureen, gave an insiders perspective on Ashgrove Care Home.  She told me that there had been an exodus of long serving staff who had been replaced by employees who were untrained and spoke little English.  This is the Care Home that lost Maureen on one occasion and was unaware that she had gone missing until the Police telephoned.  On another occasion, I went to visit Maureen and found her trapped in an unlit room in an unsupervised area of the Home.

There has been lots of pain from builders being on site for the last two months.  It is one of those occasions when there is no gain without pain. The addition of a Sun Room along with a Shower Room will provide all sorts of options for the future.  It can even become a place where family members can stay overnight to give Maureen the company that she so desperately craves.

I’ve just remembered I have forgotten to let you know how I managed to get Maureen back here.  After I trailed her in the car on the advice of the HTT she suddenly waved me down so I opened the car and she got in.  I drove towards Cleethorpes and as I was passing McDonald’s I mentioned I fancied a chocolate milk shake and she said she wanted an ice cream.  A Raspberry McFlurry did the trick with Maureen changing her reality and ‘we had a nice day’.  I mentioned Maureen’s transformation to the Manager and she was so pleased that they had been able to help that she popped out to the car to meet a very satisfied customer!

 

Dementia: Saved By SPA

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Single Point of Access North East Lincs Picture

My legs felt like jelly this morning and I was rather concerned.  At 7 am the Nurse at SPA was able to confirm that the blood tests undertaken on Friday were satisfactory.  She also mentioned that it would take a couple more days before I felt the benefit of my belated B12 injection.  As this injection was due in April it is possible that muscle weakness is the cause of my problems.  How wonderful it would be if the discomfort in my shoulders also went away when the B12 injection kicks in.

Once again I count my blessings we live in an area where SPA is available.

 

Dementia: Rieu To The Rescue

Mixed Dementia,

Maureen refused to go out this morning so I tried to drown out the noise of the builders with YouTube at full volume.

Maureen was particularly taken by above Waltz and many more.

Silence has returned to our household now but as the villain of the peace my status is zero..

All I can do is give Maureen time to forget the massive disturbance I brought to her life this morning.

Earlier she told me not to spend too much money on the house as we needed a smaller place.

A while later she said ‘those men were making changes to her dad’s house without his permission’.

With luck, she will drop off in the chair and my status will return to hero when she wakes up!

I hope you have a good weekend.

Dementia: ‘We’ve Gotta Get Out Of This Place’

Mixed Dementia,

Posted at 2.45 am

 

It’s going to be very noisy here this morning as the windows and doors are going into our Sun Room today.  We need to be ‘outta’ here by 8 am when 4 workmen will begin proceedings.  Our options for an away day are as follows:

  • A Pamper Day for Maureen at a local Care Home  – plan to stay with her.
  • A day trip to Nottingham.
  • Out and about in Grimsby and Cleethorpes.
  • Watching proceedings in the relative quiet of our rear garden.

At 2.45 am, Maureen wants to go home, my status is fluctuating and I have no idea how we will spend the day.

I also have no idea where all those years have gone since I saw The Animals at the Cavern in Margate when I was a slip of a lad.

Oh dear by the sound of it she may have just taken matters into her own hands and legged it:  wrong again she’s just come back!

Dementia: ‘Happy Talk’

Mixed Dementia

Throughout my contact with members of Our Support Teams yesterday there were three common themes in our exchanges:

  • For Maureen to remain in her own home.
  • To focus on the least restrictive option.
  • That I know my wife best.

When I reflect on the above it doesn’t get much better than that.  The local services are under resourced, with no chance of meeting the needs of their client groups but they always do their level best to be person-centered.  Never once during a busy day did anyone give me the impression that I was a pain for resisting intervention from professionals who knew best.  I continually count my blessing of a decision that we made several years ago to live in North East Lincolnshire!

Maureen was incredible yesterday.  She coped well with the presence of a close relative who she clearly didn’t know during the latter stages of his visit.  Her singing in the evening exceeded anything I have seen in a while.  If there was a local production of South Pacific they would offer her a leading part if she auditioned as well as she performed last night when she sang along to this one:

The joy on her face when she saw that scaffolding was no longer around our house was palpable.  She has slept like a ‘good un’ last night delighted that we were together – a blown kiss away in our lounge.  The fact that she said ‘good night dad’ was reassuring when you consider the respect she has for her father!

Footnote:  Our local Branch of Lloyds Chemist have to take the biscuit – Rich Tea of course – for their support yesterday;

  • The pharmacist for her general support and advice.
  • The manager for offering to help me to sort out Maureen’s digital tracker.
  • A store assistant for helping me to choose Girl Friday’s leaving presents.
  • All the other staff who always support us whenever we pop in for assistance.

 

 

 

 

Dementia: Plan B – ‘May The Force Be With You’

Mixed Dementia, ,

Posted at 6.45 am

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When I spoke to him earlier this morning, my friend* from the Konar Suite suggested I needed a Plan B  when I am struggling to contain Maureen in the middle of the night.  My ‘Working Position’ over the next 24 hours is listed below:

  • I have already texted Maureen’s son, who will be here around 11 am, to ask him to stay overnight.
  • I have also asked Focus Adult Social Care to provide a Night Sitter tonight.
  • I will seek further coaching on how to deal with Maureen when she doesn’t recognise me and feels I’m keeping her a prisoner.
  • I will meditate at various intervals during the day to calm my mind.
  • If Maureen sleeps during the day I will attempt to rest at the same time.

If all goes to plan in the next couple of days the Building Site will become less evident. All scaffolding should come down today.  New windows and doors could be in place by the end of the week.

I know I will get lots of advice this morning and if the weather stays fine for the builders we are in with a Sporting Chance to calm things down.  In the early hours of this morning, I might have been tempted to reach for that bottle of trazodone if  I hadn’t seen what has happened to my dear brother.  I firmly believe if he had been handled more thoughtfully he would have still been with us today rather than a shell of the man he used to be!

Footnote:  Maureen is now fast asleep; tea, TLC and Youtube helped along with me serenading her with love songs.

  • My friend from the Konar Suite looked after me when I was a mental health patient several years ago.  He calls me Mr Suduko as I spent my time trying to solve number puzzles during my time on the Sapphire Suite when our Mental Health Unit was at Grimsby Hospital.  He has likened me to one of the Jedi Knights hence: ‘May The Force Be With You’.

Dementia: An Inevitable Conclusion

Mixed Dementia,

Posted at 4 am

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I need to make it clear that my rants about Maureen being prescribed trazodone are in no way a criticism of the individuals concerned.  Last week the Specialist Doctor concluded what we already knew: Maureen’s dementia had progressed to severe.   In the short time that she had at her disposal, she tried to do something that would calm the situation down and make Maureen’s presentation more manageable.  What she didn’t have time to do was assess to what extent Maureen’s environment was making her presentation challenging.

Living on a Building Site is likely to drive anyone bananas. When our children neglect us we all feel aggrieved.  If you had dementia into the bargain, your reaction to such dual forces of distress is likely to be magnified and played out publicly.

If you are a Specialist Doctor working predominantly for a Crisis Team you are generally fighting fires.  Your brief is to pour water on situations to dampen the fires of distress. Medication is your medium and your prescription pad is always close at hand.

When your Care Partner has skills and substantial experience in behaviour management then it is a different ball game.  If he also knows when to call in support then you always have a sporting chance of remaining in your own home without the need for medication that might calm you down but is likely to put you on the slippery path to dependency.

Update: I drafted the above before going to bed last night.  Early this morning Maureen woke up and didn’t know where she was or who I was.  She spent quite some time trying to smash her way out of the house.  I called for help and received telephone assistance from the Konar Suite.

Any lone carer awoken in the early hours would have struggled with what I had to endure this morning.  As my friend from the Konar Suite said you need a Plan B.  It is fortunate that one of Maureen’s son had arranged to be here this morning.  Unless family support is now forthcoming on a regular basis Maureen is likely to be encouraged to take the first step on a ladder that could result in her losing her independence.  I fear that trazodone will be on the agenda once again this morning!

We are both locked in here against our will now.  Maureen is reassured her son will be here soon to sort our incarceration out.  Youtube is working its normal magic and the tea is flowing to ease the vocal chords.  There is no need to give Maureen lorazepam as she is now as happily singing along to Rod Stewart.  Where on earth was that man in my hour of need?

I hope to provide further updates as the day progresses