When you are exhausted and your wife says to you:
‘I don’t know who I am.
I don’t know where I am
and I don’t know what is going on.’
It’s time to take a break to give yourself time to think.
This is why Maureen is now in Alderlea Care Home for the next week.
She won’t be with us today our Pocket Rocket. I was tempted to call her Little Miss Dynamite until I heard what a Senior from her Care Agency called her. She will be back tomorrow and Friday so she will then have been with us for four days this week.
Our PR generally has Maureen in the palm of her hand but yesterday she was sent to Coventry during the early part of her shift. Maureen ignored her greeting when she walked in the door and appeared to be sulking during the early part of her shift. When I returned home after my shopping mission all was fine and dandy; with the girls busy as music played in the background. With five minutes of her shift remaining the PR enticed Maureen upstairs to make sure she was well clad for the rest of the day. How on earth she managed to get Maureen into sensible gear in that time I will never know – it can take me half an hour!
I haven’t a nickname for today’s Girl Wednesday. She used to be a regular until she changed her shift pattern. She is another excellent carer who always encouraged me not to pander to Maureen. I always welcomed such gentle guidance from an old hand. It will be interesting to hear what she makes of Maureen’s presentation today as she hasn’t seen her for a couple of months.
I clearly need to eat my word this morning after another challenging night. It was after midnight before Maureen dropped off. It looks as though she is getting used to Lorazepam – half a tablet no longer has the impact it previously had. I will get our GP’s advice on upping the dose. I will also contact our Key Worker to request a couple of Night Sits to see if that can help us through this challenging period.
My Admiral Nurse is expecting my phone call today and this will give me an opportunity to discuss the prospect of Maureen going into the Konar Suite – there are no beds available at the moment. I’m fully aware that Maureen might need ongoing medication and that could be the outcome of a stay on the KS. Despite my reservations about medication being the answer, I’m impressed by NAViGO’s attempts to help patients understand bthe:
Most people who came across Maureen yesterday would not have believed she has a diagnosis of severe dementia. He exploits even amazed me:
This morning she has had a shower and washed her own hair.
I had a funny feeling that once the builders had finished their work that Wonder Woman would be back. That doesn’t mean that there won’t be days when things are difficult but we all have bad days!
Some positive news from last week:
Sometimes you just need a break and two came my way on Friday. Firstly, my physiotherapist enlightened me about the benefits of swimming breaststroke, the only stroke I can do, and riding my bike. I had been under the misapprehension that both were not advisable following hip replacement. Secondly, my neighbour who is a scientist agreed to review Dale Bresden’s book. When I spoke to her yesterday she suggested that it might not be too late for Maureen to benefit from his thinking. I’m sure all of this news is helping me to sleep a little easier in bed at night, as is the thought that my Admiral Nurse will be available this week so that I can chat with her about my reservations about Maureen going into the Konar Suite.
From today I have decided to set some targets at the start of each week:
Personal targets:
Carers targets:
I will review progress next week so in future, Positive News will be the focus on Monday’s – a Jungle Book approach to life:
Today’s lesson from Kelsang Dekyong:
We didn’t make it for a swim yesterday as Maureen rested for large parts of the day. She seems exhausted at the moment and has slept well through the night. If this warm spell continues a walk on the beach beckons after breakfast this morning.
Maureen is very sad today. When I asked her what was wrong she says she ‘wants to go home to be with her family’. Then she says ‘they would probably be too busy to talk to me’. My guitar playing brother in law always points out that how busy people are is a matter of choice. I wonder if he’s got this one in his repertoire:
My brother in law assures me he would have opened our Sun Room on Tuesday with the above number if the acoustic had been right. However, as the flooring had not been laid the sound check was not to his satisfaction. He assures me he will be back once the vinyl is laid!
The standing joke in our family is if you mention an artist or a band from the 60’s my brother in law swears he has backed them. Who am I to contest his distant memory of playing with the Chicanes alongside the Cream at the Swan at Yardley when Clapton was a member? What is beyond refute is the exceptional support my sister and her husband gave us when they visited on Tuesday. As the man says: you find out who your friends are when dementia is in the household!
We have had another good night’s rest. Maureen woke at 4 am worrying that ‘they had all gone’ and she had been left here by herself. This fear of being deserted is constant and she expects me to leave her: to run off with another woman. Just to put her mind at rest this morning, I’m going to suggest that she accompanies me to Cleethorpes Leisure Centre. It would be wonderful if I could persuade her to have a swim but even walking along the Promenade with Girl Saturday would be real progress. Then if the going is good we might even have a snack at one of the cafes on the seafront!
Yesterday was nothing short of amazing.
We received outstanding support from the early hours and Maureen thrived as the day progressed.
On reflection, I think it is possible that Tuesday’s visit by Occupational Therapists spooked Maureen. She may well have been thinking ‘he is conspiring to lock me away again’ and sought comfort in delusions on Wednesday. I realise this is all conjecture, but what else is there?
Maureen is very shaky this morning. She is more confused than ever and unsteady on her feet. A small amount of lorazepam has given her much needed rest and some respite from her delusions.
I’m currently reviewing our situation.
The struggles of the last few months all seemed worthwhile yesterday when our visitors from Occupational Therapy made it clear that they supported our approach to ‘seeking the good life’. They were impressed with our extension and how we have attempted to prepare for what might lie ahead. They also supported how I attempt to resolve issues of independence and safety. Once we have made a couple of minor changes to our set up OT feel that we have addressed all predictable risks.
Maureen was in exceptional Hostess Mode all day. Her intelligence and humour shone through as she showed OT the ropes. She continued in a similar vein when in the company of my sister and brother in law. In fact, she was in such good form that there were occasions when some observers may have questioned her diagnosis of dementia.
Maureen has paid a heavy price for the overstimulation that I subjected her to yesterday. She is now hyperactive and has not slept all night. I should have left things as they were with my sister visiting today. I’m paying a small price for my naivety as I try to support a very confused wife this morning.
We appear to be on a Cruise Ship again this morning. I hope Maureen is not too disappointed when we dock at Grimsby: we couldn’t possibly pull into Cleethorpes with the tide going out!
Everyone who has seen it is impressed with our Sun Room: it has the wow factor. I will post photographs later in the week. When Our Key Worker visited yesterday he was very impressed with the facilities we now have at our disposal.
This morning a Risk Assessment will be undertaken by Occupational Therapy to ensure Maureen’s safety in our reconfigured home, They will also give advice on the best use of the space we now have at our disposal.
Focus Adult Social Care will then need to review our Care Plans.
Dementia: Sharing The Good Times 