Category Archives: General

Dementia: Finding A Friend

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Image result for Finding A Friend Picture

It took me a while yesterday morning to understand what was behind Maureen’s question of ‘have I got to go to school today?’  After a little probing, she told me she wanted to be with her friends so they could play chasing games together.   When we went for a walk later in the day she asked again about the whereabouts of her friend.

Maureen often says she is lonely and wants to go home to her mother and father, to a place where she had friends.  We haven’t any close friends here and visitors to our home are few and far between.  Moving back ‘home’, is no longer a sensible option as familiarity with surroundings is essential as Maureen can now get lost in our own house. Therefore, it is an opportune time to attempt to develop some friendships a little further and entice them into our abode.  I’m hoping to set the ball rolling on this front later this morning. One of the candidates on my short list has a young child and I know Maureen would love to have a youngster to play with.  I hope to have some progress to report on Monday: have a good weekend.

Dementia: Significant Disorientation

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We made it to Nottingham, but it may have been a bridge too far as Maureen is significantly disorientated this morning.

Girl Tuesday played a sterling role yesterday in persuading Maureen to get into the chauffeur driven Volvo. Tim, the man behind the wheel, remembered his script from the week before and played it well.  Maureen’s brother and sister in law were excellent hosts and put on a lovely lunch.  Unfortunately, the Birthday Girl, Maureen’s sister, was unwell and did not show.

Shortly before Tim was due to pick us up at 4 pm Maureen began to lose track of proceedings.  When I suggested that it was time to go she said she was ‘waiting for her husband to pick her up’.  There then followed a lengthy standoff before we could persuade her to get into the Volvo for the homeward journey. A significant personal attack followed as we were chauffeured home until a semblance of peace broke out on the back seat of the vehicle.

We had to take a natural break as we arrived on the outskirts of Grimsby when Maureen was feeling unwell.  Within half an hour of being back home, Maureen was fast asleep on the sofa; still wondering why we hadn’t seen the Birthday Girl.

As I try to deal with my own tiredness this morning it’s back to the drawing board: a good opportunity to reconsider whether long days away from home is in Maureen’s best interest.  She has been very quiet seemingly ill at ease in her surroundings and deep in thought.  It is interesting to read how other people with dementia, such as Dr. Richard Taylor, dealt with their condition but I need to understand how Maureen’s sees things!

Dementia: Thinking Outside The Box

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Image result for thinking outside the box pictures Maureen woke up this morning clearly thinking I was her dad.  This is not something new and I no longer find it upsetting.  The important thing is that she feels safe in my company; irrespective of who she thinks I am.

It’s Maureen’s sisters birthday today and I have flagged up the possibility of visiting her in Nottingham tomorrow.  Maureen has now warmed to the idea and I had already provisionally arranged for our man to be here in the morning to drive us south.  Having a ‘chauffeur’ opens up new possibilities for us and 2017 needs to become a time for thinking outside the box to avoid the dreaded ‘Prescribed Disengagement’ approach to dementia.  Mind Maps by George Huba outline the stark choices for someone with dementia.

Dementia: Carpe Diem

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The sun shone on the brave yesterday as we seized the day and the clouds stayed away.  Maureen was in good form early doors so I hastily rearranged our trip to Coventry and by 11 am we were on the A46 heading south to see my mum.

Our chauffeur was superb and I think Maureen could be persuaded to travel in style in future.  In fact, she was really taken with life in a Volvo with its leather trim and smooth acceleration.  I wonder if it is too late for her to alert Santa to what the old man would like in his stocking?

My eldest daughter and her two girls were at my mum’s Care Home on arrival.  We quickly exchanged hugs (although in my haste I understand I missed out the youngest) and good wishes for Christmas before taking my mum  for a short drive in the country.  It wasn’t a day for the normal ice cream treat so mum had to traverse some difficult territory with her walking frame as we inched towards the cafe at Coombe Park.  Mum and Maureen were so taken with the Festive table decorations that a kind waitress responded to my scrounging attempt with some artificial flowers to remind mum of our visit.

On our return, we were in bed shortly after 8 pm both worn out from our mission.  It was a very tiring day but we went to bed delighted with what we had achieved and the opening of a door, Volvo of course, which could lead to new directions on our journey in 2017.

There could be no other contender for today’s Good Music.  I remember having a Christmas drink with Maureen when we were work colleagues listening to this song and thinking I’m really fond of this woman: over 25 years later I still am!

I’m a little late posting this morning as Maureen is resolute that it is time to go home.  I have just listened to a very convincing argument that we no longer need to stay in this Care Home.  I wonder if she has got wind of the Best Interest Meeting that will take place two weeks today to deliberate upon her future care and accommodation!

Dementia: ‘I Hate This Disease’

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The good news that I hoped to post today is not going to happen after all.  I have decided that tomorrow’s planned trip to Coventry to see my mum is not a good idea, despite arrangements to travel in a chauffeured driven car.

Maureen had very little sleep on Monday night: waking frequently troubled by fears and hallucinations.  Her cold and sore mouth were troubling her so much yesterday that I took her to the doctor for assessment. He prescribed Bonjela and stressed the importance of drinking plenty of fluids as there were signs that she may be dehydrated. Thankfully, her blood pressure is not giving cause for concern.

It has been an early start again this morning.  Maureen has been on the go from half past three.  She started off singing: ‘Who’s Your Lady Friend’ then moved on to being ‘Moaning Minnie’ with complaints about the service in this Care Home.  This is a side of her personality that has become more prevalent as dementia has turned my compassionate wife into a sarcastic woman: a shadow of her former self.

There are some brave people out there, who are quite prepared to share their journey – my cyber friend  Normms never pulls any punches:

Dementia: Amazing Support

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Image result for Amazing Susan Macaulay PictureSincere thanks to all those people who have supported us in 2016: we wouldn’t have survived without you.  We hope you all have a good Festive Break and a Happy New Year.

I’m now going to follow the advice of Amazing Susan and limit posting to three days a week. Susan Macaulay has given us lots helpful of advice during the year and I’m going to heed her warning that I’m perhaps overloading our followers.

There is some really good news coming up on Wednesday!

Dementia: Getting Back To Sleep

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I have often posted my gratitude for having a father who taught me so much.  Last night on being woken for the third time I remembered his method for getting back to sleep: replaying old goals that he had seen Coventry City score.  I adapted his idea in the early hours and went through the Sky Blue team of 1987 when we won the F A Cup; remembering the players and who we signed them from.  The bonus was our Number 11 – Nick Pickering who came from Sunderland.  They won yesterday and Maureen’s sons were both there, along with our grandson, to see a vital victory as they try to retain their status in the Premier League.  It is not a good time to discuss the fortunes of the Sky Blues!

Another piece of good news: Maureen’s early Christmas present is having a positive impact as she loves twirling it on her wrist.  Her wedding ring kept slipping off her finger despite being reduced in size a couple of times so she decided a silver bangle would be preferable.  Quite amazing really as it is our Silver Anniversary this year although we haven’t been married for quite that long as I was on trial for several years. The bangle is relatively easy to find when it slips off her wrist: her engagement ring is still hiding somewhere!

Dementia: Tales of the Unexpected

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On Tuesday as I made my way to meet staff at our local Alzheimer’s Society I got a feeling of déjà vu as I passed a familiar bus stop.  As I stood for a moment I remembered waiting, with my heart in my mouth, to be taken to a Secondary School where I spent many a day.  I recalled those moments of panic wondering what I was letting myself in for to earn my £145 a day.  Would it be one of those days where they would be at me for all five periods or would I manage to find a peaceful haven for the odd twenty minutes?

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As I moved on towards my destination I smiled as I thought of some of the characters from my days as a  Supply Teacher and wondered what they were doing as Christmas loomed.  I also thought how fortunate I was to have been in their company and reflected on what I had learned from the almost inevitable hostilities.  Two things came to mind firstly I could never predict what would happen as soon as I entered the school premises.   In fact, I  rarely knew from one day to the next be which classes or subject I would be expected to teach.  Secondly, what a wonderful training ground Supply Teaching was for a Care Partner dealing with dementia: tales of the unexpected personified.  Unfortunately, there is one significant difference: this is a Labour of Love and there is rarely any time off!

I have managed to squeeze in a few hours of rest in the last 24 hours.  Maureen appears to be sleeping peacefully at the moment.  It was well after midnight before there was any respite from last night’s presentation -possibly driven by the full moon.  I wouldn’t even chance to predict how today will go and I will take the bus this morning to meet our social worker: ‘stealing’ Maureen’s car only fuels the fire of dementia!

Footnote: I won’t be going anywhere this morning as Maureen is begging me not to leave her.  I’m hoping YouTube will lift her spirits and  Lesana and Lea are on as I post.

Dementia: Is It the Full Moon?

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Image result for Full moon and dementia pictureSome say that a full moon causes chaos for those with dementia.  It is a possible explanation for what has happened today.  The other possibility is that having Heating Engineers in the house has upset the apple-cart.  Maureen is currently ‘letting me have it’ downstairs while I keep a check on things via the Baby Monitor.  Today has been one of the most challenging days of this journey.

The story is that I have robbed Maureen of all her belongings and used her wealth to buy this house in Cleethorpes against her will.  Throughout the day my status has changed I’m currently her brother who has been complicit in the shady dealing of that Paul.  I have taken advice from Specialist Dementia Nurses on the Konar Suite and will try to keep her safe; give her space and ensure there is luke-warm tea at hand.  It’s looks like it’s going to be another long night!

Dementia: Time Travelling

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Image result for Time Travelling Dementia Picture

Maureen is time travelling this morning: reliving some unhappy childhood memories.   She is replaying her mother’s disappointment that her father moved the family back to Nottingham from Cleethorpes into a house that she had never seen before.  I have had an hour of ‘why are we here; why didn’t you involve me in choosing this house; why did we move from Coventry?’  It is one of those occasions when nothing I  say can shift her perspective so I have made her cups of tea and I’m now going to leave her to rant to herself.  Hopefully, she will tire shortly so we can both get some further sleep and wake up at a reasonable hour to our lives together in 2016.

There’s no peace from dementia and we are still awake three hours later listening to YouTube.  This one always calms things down:

Maureen  is now singing along with Boney M to this one:

Hope we can catch up on some sleep later!