All posts by It's My Time Now

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About It's My Time Now

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and developed mixed dementia. I was her Care Partner until she passed in October 2025. This Blog has told the story of life as a Care Partner and now focuses on the aftermath of dementia.

Dementia: Silly Song Saves The Day

When the going gets tough I often sing silly songs to Maureen by changing the words to lift her mood.  Very early this morning she was beside herself as she felt unable to build a boat.  No matter what I said I couldn’t shift her from her focus on feeling ‘useless’; until I swapped Maureen for Michael in this one:

Once I got the song underway her despondency changed to hysteria and it took a while before I was able to coax her back to sleep.

Today’s Carer commented that Maureen looks tired at the moment.  This isn’t surprising as she never made it to her upstairs bedroom while she was in Alderlea.  She refused point blank to get into their lift – I’m not surprised as it reminds me of something from the Dark Ages.

It is vital that Maureen gets good rest when she is in a Care Home.  Slumbering in an armchair or sleeping on a sofa is not recuperative when she spends a larger portion of the day on her feet.  It is difficult enough to get someone who fears being attacked to sleep in a downstairs room: persuading them to go upstairs is never going to be a viable option.

 

 

Let’s make Britain Great again!

George Rook at his satirical best and he does have a point!

georgerook51's avatargeorge rook

A world without diabetes

Diabetes is a disease that is invisible. The disease is hidden, often not diagnosed until it has caused damage.

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Type 2 diabetes is often brought on by being overweight, eating an unhealthy diet, and too much of it.

The UK spends around £9bn a year treating people for type 2 diabetes. (£1bn for type 1.)

The total direct and indirect costs of type 1 and 2 diabetes is around £24bn a year.

It can usually be avoided by having a healthy lifestyle…reasonable exercise, good diet, healthy weight.

The results of diabetes include loss of limbs, loss of eyesight, heart disease, renal disease, extensive neuropathic pain.

I wish to propose that this disease, which is invisible and to a large extent avoidable, should not be treated.

The direct health care savings of £10bn could be used elsewhere to improve care and introduce new, expensive drugs and treatment…

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Dementia: Honesty and Integrity

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The concerns that I have raised with Alderlea Care Home are being dealt with very professionally.  Managers within the home are conducting a thorough investigation.  The Local Authority Safeguarding Team are also monitoring the situation.

When I picked Maureen up from Alderlea on Wednesday afternoon she said: ‘I like this kind of place’.  I echo her feelings.  Yesterday the Deputy Manager told me ‘she is loved here’, and she is!

I have already booked Maureen into Alderlea for my next Respite Break.  They have approached my concerns with honesty and integrity: it doesn’t get much better than that!

Once again I count my blessings that we live in North East Lincolnshire.  When my sister in law raised concerns about my brother’s treatment in Norton Grange Nursing Home in Coventry, she was given a month’s notice of eviction.  Thankfully, this turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Brandon House Nursing Home exudes person-centered care.  Unfortunately, they have inherited the prescription of antipsychotic medication.

 

Dementia: It’s Time To Take Care Homes Back Into The Public Sector

The shortcomings at Alderlea Care Home are an inevitable consequence of the current funding model. I am not at all surprised that one Care Home a week is closing.

 All Care and Nursing Homes need to be taken back into the Public Sector.

The following article is posted with the kind permission of the author.

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King Charles…
News and Comment from Roy Lilley

 

The seagulls shouted at each other, wheeling and diving.  Below them a man, walking his dog, leaned into the winter wind.
The waves crash on the shore; fizzled and bubbled their way up the beach and disappeared into the pebbles.
Watching from a bay window, across the promenade, Anil Laghari.  
Time to walk a dog… what a luxury.  Anil was envious.  He’d always wanted a dog.  Soon he thought.  Soon…
He turned and looked back at the chintz sitting room.  Upright easy chairs arranged around the walls.  Walking frames nestling with each other by the door.
Through the archway small dining tables and chairs stood, waiting.  Upturned drinking glasses and paper napkins.
The smell of breakfast worked its way from the kitchen through the ground floor, up the stairs to the rooms on the landing.
The day at The Sea View Nursing Home has begun.  Actually, the day becomes night, becomes day, becomes dawn.  No one notices the change in the sky.  Payne’s Grey to flannel grey.
The vast sky-scape; billowing and angry, today.  The horizon, invisible.  Better days… seamless blue.  Thundering black to gin clear.  The changes that visitors and painters come to admire.
Fishermen stand on the edge of the tide, their beach-casters bending.  Surfers brave the cold.  In the summer families brave the rain.  Anil, couldn’t remember the last time a Sea View resident ventured out, down the ramp, across the road to the beach.
Most of them hardly ever look out of the window.  They look at day-time television.
When he and his wife, Shirley, took on the care home there were days out, shopping visits.  They had a minibus.  No more.  The residents very frail, shortage of staff, insurance, risk assessments; pile that lot together and you have a mountain to climb.
Anil and Shirley met when they were working in the NHS.  Anil worked, as he called it, ‘in the bowels of the finance department‘, Shirley amongst ‘the bowels in the front line‘.  A nurse.  Their private joke.
Life was better then; optimism and hope.  When they culled PCT’s… voluntary redundancy, Anil’s pension not far off, a deal not to be missed. Shirley said goodbye to the NHS.
They sold their home, bought Sea View.  Their dream came true.  Their own care business.
Regulations, fire, health and safety, registration.  It was tough but they were ten years younger then.
In the hallway, a picture of the opening day.  The Mayor cut a ribbon.  She said nice things about care of the elderly.
Since then the Council have halved care home fees.  It’s the private payers who keep the place going.
Across the sector the annual, average care home, pre-tax profit is £11,000.  Thirty pounds a day.  Buskers make more.  Averages are made-up of highs and the lows.
Shirley and Anil have made a loss in each of the last three years.  But for the fact they live in the small flat, at the top of the building, they would have given up last year.
They are giving up this year.  They have put the CCG, the local authority, the residents and their families on notice; 31st March.
On hearing of the closure One of the resident’s sons racially abused Anil, told him to stop ‘ripping off the NHS and eff-off back where he came from’.  
 
The CCG haven’t done anything and the local authority told the local newspaper they have ‘the matter in hand’.  Social services have done  ‘assessments’.
There isn’t much else they can do.  One care home a week is closing.  Resident’s acuity is taking a dive, getting nursing help is impossible, the local Trust employs anyone who comes on the market.  Staffing in seaside towns notoriously difficult.  The sector, generally, impossible to staff safely.
Shirley tried to employ some Portuguese girls as care assistants; trained them herself.  After Brexit, they went home.  The locals aren’t interested.
The care home will revert to ‘residential’ planning status.  A developer is interested.  Shirley and Anil will just about get their money back and settle-up with the bank.  Break-even for ten years hard slog.
Anil looked out and saw the morning sky had grown darker.  There was a storm on the way.  Rain lashed the promenade.  The man with the dog, like his dream, has gone.
Anil wondered; Jack Russell or King Charles.

Dementia: This Is Not A Safe Place!

 

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Yesterday I made a late evening visit to see Maureen in Alderlea Care Home.

I was puzzled by the absence of staff from the Resident’s Lounges.

I had to summon staff after I intervened when a resident was being assaulted

I will raise my concerns with appropriate personnel this morning.

I need to bring this Respite Break to a premature end.

 

Dementia: The Road To Antipsychotics

 

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  • Your husband has Alzheimer’s.
  • You receive little support.
  • You are worn out.
  • You put your husband into Respite Care.
  • He has no idea where he is.
  • He goes into a woman’s bedroom thinking it is you.
  • He responds physically when a carer tries to separate him from his ‘wife’.
  • The Police are called and he is removed to a Mental Health Unit.
  • He is Sectioned and detained in the MHU.
  • It takes 6 months before any Home will accept him as a resident.
  • His carers at his current Nursing Home say he is a ‘lovely man: easy to manage’.
  • He occasionally smiles as he sits alone and catatonic in the Dining Room.
  • Is there any incentive for the Annual Review to change my brother’s medication?

Dementia: Now I Understand!

 

Image result for Now I Understand PictureI visited my mum and brother again yesterday afternoon.  Mum was such good fun as we sang along to YouTube together.  I fed our kid his evening meal and he rewarded me with some beautiful smiles.

There is little doubt that mum is bored for long parts of the day.  I can’t be much fun parked in the Residents Lounge with the TV constantly on blaring out inappropriate programmes.  It wouldn’t take much to brighten up her day: they know what she enjoys.

I’m always puzzled by my brother’s catatonic state and his restlessness as he sits continually shifting his position in his chair.  It is possible that his presentation can be explained by risperidone.  I was told yesterday that his medication means that ‘he is never any trouble.’  There are strict guidelines on the use of this antipsychotic for the elderly and I sincerely hope they are being applied in my brother’s case!

Dementia: ‘Whatever Floats Your Boat’

Whatever Floats Your Goat! - See more funny pics @ www.FunnyOnlinePictures.com :)

Mum was sitting in her chair In the Residents Lounge of her Home when I arrived yesterday morning.  She smiled when she saw me so I knelt on the floor and held her and stroked her hand.  As always the TV was on in the foreground: a cookery programme which some suggest wets the appetite of the viewers.  It must be doing it subliminally in mum’s place as her most of her mates had their eyes closed apart from one lady who was knitting.

When Football Focus came on Gary Lineker told us that Big Cyrille would be featured throughout the hour.  I’m not sure mum even watched his finest hour as far as we Sky Blue supporters were concerned, so I decided to intervene.

When I asked the owner of the Care Home for assistance to move mum to a quieter spot so that I could play her some of her favourite music she summoned assistance and said: ‘whatever floats your boat’.

Mum was at her best to this one:

She sang, tapped her feet and fluttered her eyelids as we ‘floated our boat’.  As carers passed by they said: ‘she loves her music’.

My brother was ready for his lunch when I arrived at his Nursing Home.  He scoffed the lot; eagerly taking his lunch from the proffered spoon and would have taken the additional sweet on offer if I had accepted the offer.  He smiled occasionally as I gently fed him his meal.

I’m always struck by the contrast between my mum’s Residential Home and my brother’s Nursing Home.  There are visiting times where my mum is a ‘no-go areas’: you are not allowed to be around at meal times.  Several residents were being fed by their relatives at my brother’s place yesterday and staff were clearly very grateful for their help.  I am not aware of any no-go areas in my brother’s Nursing Home!

I wonder if the stark difference between my mum’s and brother’s environment is down to size or the nature of Homes they are in?  Mum is in a very small place exclusively for ladies.  My brother enjoys the company of men and women residents who live in a much larger Home.  It is possible that economies of scale mean that my brother enjoys far more favourable living conditions that my mum.  However, from what I have seen person-centred care extends far beyond the welcoming notice boards in our kid’s abode.  Visiting times along with rules and regulations are predominant in mum’s place!

Dementia: Paying Tribute

Image result for cyrille regis FA Cup pictureI’m leaving Madhyamaka shortly to travel 130 miles to see my Big Fellow and my Dad’s Little Woman.  This means that I won’t be at the Ricoh this afternoon to pay tribute to Big Cyrille who sadly passed on Monday.  This afternoon I will be paying tribute to two heroes of my own who have supported me throughout my life.  They both have dementia.

I intend to make it to Coventry in time to see mum before it is time for lunch in her Cae Home.  Then I will move on to spoon feed my brother in his Nursing Home.

Neither my mum or my brother will have any recollection of that proud day for all Coventrians when Big Cyrille lifted the FA Cup.  It is also unlikely that they will know who I am when I arrive later this morning.  That doesn’t matter as I will never forget who they are and what they mean to me!

Dementia: Grugging Is Back!

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As you will see from the photo above grugging – group hugging – is once again firmly established as an ongoing Retreat at Madhyamaka.  I encouraged Gen Togden, the Resident Teacher here, to demonstrate the technique after lunch yesterday. Shortly afterwards, in their farewell to Jo (3rd left back row), Working Volunteers demonstrated that they understood the practice.

Grugging is being taken to York tonight.  It will be on in various venues as the Volunteers celebrate the forthcoming birthday of one of their number (far right, front row). As an experienced grugger I have been asked to go along to ensure there is no straying from the path!

Togden’s teaching below has great relevance to me this morning as my Retreat draws to a close: