All posts by It's My Time Now

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About It's My Time Now

I am a retired adult educator. My wife had a stroke in February 2014 and developed mixed dementia. I was her Care Partner until she passed in October 2025. This Blog has told the story of life as a Care Partner and now focuses on the aftermath of dementia.

Dementia: A Beauty From Iceland

Mixed Dementia,

Image for AKAI Bluetooth Rechargeable Suitcase Style Turntable from studio

When I was looking for some new clothes for Maureen last week I stumbled on this little beauty in Iceland -The Food Warehouse.  It is amazing value for £29.99 and an excellent reminder of the good old days.

I used it several times when Maureen was in the Konar Suite to play some of her old favourites and we even had the occasional smooch in her room.  We have decided to take it with us the next time we visit my mum so she can tap her feet to Frank Sinatra, Glen Miller and Nat King Cole.

I’m hoping that another purchase a 2-in-1 Calendar and Day Clock will help Maureen’s difficulties with the orientation to time.  I haven’t taken it out of its box yet as I realise that such changes have to be managed gradually if they are to have a positive impact.

I also found a beautiful jacket in Maureen’s favourite colour last week.  She is really looking forward to wearing it for the first time today.

I’m hoping she has now caught up on her sleep as she spent most of the last 24 hours on the sofa.  However, when you consider what she has been through in the last few weeks she is doing remarkably well.

Update at 9.30am: Maureen’s new jacket fits like a glove and she is delighted to have something new to wear.  She has now retired to the sofa exhausted by my attempts to help her into warmer clothes before we ventured out.  When Girl Thursday arrives I’ll take the opportunity to return some further purchases that she is not keen on.  Hopefully, she will model her new jacket a little later in the day

 

 

 

Dementia: Together Again

Mixed Dementia, ,

This is one of our favourites from Emmylou:

We had a lovely day yesterday.  Maureen was so pleased to see her GP after three weeks with ‘Witch Doctors and magic spells’ on the Konar Suite.

She amazed me in the evening when we popped in to see our old friends at Carpet Bowls.  We hadn’t been for years but she blended in as if it had been the previous week.  Our old friends were really pleased to see us again and people we didn’t know treated her with real compassion.  Then to top it all we have spent a restful night together in the marital bed.

After another appointment with a ‘Real Doctor’ this morning we could pop in to see our dancing friends.  To be Together Again on the dance floor after all this time would really be something!

Dementia: Home At Last

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for Home At Last Picture

Maureen came home from the Konar Suite yesterday afternoon.

I intend to spend a minimal amount of time on social media over the next few days.

My priority is to help Maureen settle to being back home after being in an Acute Mental Health Unit where she has had a high level of support available 24/7.

Maureen hardly slept last night and is frightened by yet another change of environment.

I’m hoping my Admiral Nurse will be here shortly so we can chat about how to help Maureen settle as quickly as possible and regain a semblance of independence.

Dementia: Reality Check

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for A Reality Check Dementia PictureOn Saturday morning I received a copy of the assessments that had taken place to determine Maureen’s mental capacity.  These documents make sobering reading.   They are a stark reminder that Maureen no longer has any concept of person, place or time.  They also point out her high level of need.

The assessment was required to as part of a  DoLS Application.  Within the documentation, there are several references to the need for a robust Care Package before Maureen is discharged from Konar.  At a time when additional carer support is needed, there is nothing in place.

Yesterday, Maureen’s initial pleasure at seeing me soon declined.  She said once again that she was only being detained on Konar ‘because of the lies I had told, as I wanted to get rid of her’.  She declined to have Sunday Lunch with me as ‘ it was too early and you shouldn’t eat at your place of work’.  She then retired to the patient’s lounge choosing to ignore me for the remainder of my visit.

I was pleased to hear from a member of staff on Konar that Maureen is still their patient.  It would be irresponsible to attempt to bring her home her home until a robust Care Package is in place.

 

Dementia: Kindness and Compassion

Mixed Dementia,

Today’s teaching from Dekyong is very appropriate:

When I called in to see Maureen yesterday morning she was fast asleep in bed.

She looked so peaceful that I saw no point in waking her.

A member of staff suggested that I take the day off.

She then invited me to have Sunday Lunch with Maureen.

Kindness and compassion are always on offer in the  Konar Suite.

 

 

Dementia: I’m Not To Talk About It

Mixed Dementia,

Maureen has now been declared fit for discharge from the Konar Suite

The Multi-Disciplinary Team agreed yesterday that it was in her Best Interest to come home: subject to a robust Care Package being put in place.

I now have to learn to be patient: particularly as Maureen is settled on Konar.

Maureen has been singing this one to staff on Konar:

Such an appropriate song: our discussions yesterday are CONFIDENTIAL!

Dementia: Konar – It’s A Kind Of Magic!

Mixed Dementia,

When I arrived to visit Maureen yesterday morning a member of staff said you should see your ‘Polynesian Princess today’.  When I saw her looking stunning and happily singing along to the background music I realised I had been on the wrong mission.  My campaign to get her home as quickly as possible had been short-sighted.

Maureen gave me a beautiful smile when she saw me.  I joked that I had been drawn to this silver-haired lady singing in the corner before I realised it was my wife.  She is used to this sort of thing and carried on singing.   I left her to it and made my way to one of the areas set aside for visitors.  Maureen sought me out a while later with: ‘there you are I’ve been looking for you’.  She then told me that ‘magic was taking place in here’.

I returned to Konar later in the day and saw the’magic’ in action first hand.  Maureen was in extreme discomfort as her system had become seized up.  The efforts that staff went to as they helped things to move was indeed ‘magic’.  I played my part by holding her hand whilst we walked around: it was too painful for Maureen to sit down.  Despite tea being served a magician arrived and helped to ease Maureen’s discomfort as laxatives and gravity eventually did the trick.  Then our wonderful magician held Maureen’s hand as she walked her down the corridor for her evening meal.

Maureen is right magic is taking place in Konar.  She has experienced TLC from the moment she was admitted.  How on earth they are able to do this in an Acute Mental Health Unit has to be a kind of magic.

 

Dementia: Picking Your Battles

Mixed Dementia, ,

Image result for Picking Your Battles with dementia picture

I have been waging a battle all week to get Maureen out of the Konar Suite ASAP.  It has disappointed me that she remains in an Acute Mental Health Unit a week after her assessment has been completed.  Patience does not come easily to me in circumstances like this.

Maureen will be discharged from hospital on Friday.  I’m confident that the Best Interest Meeting will agree that she can return home.  The only stumbling block could be the time it might take to put an adequate Care Package in place.

It didn’t take the social worker from the Hospital Discharge Team and me to agree upon common ground yesterday: the importance of picking your battles.  Therefore, if Maureen wants to wear a slipper on one foot and a shoe on the other that is her right.  If she wants to wear the same clothes for several days and nights that is fine.  She has the right to make choices and it is our problem if we don’t like them.  As Maureen said to me shortly after my arrival yesterday: ‘if they ask me if I want to have my hair cut again, I’ll ask them if they would like me to cut their head off’.

Maureen thought I was her ex-husband when I was with her yesterday.  She was hostile to me during the whole of my visit.  I was warned this might well happen as her dementia progresses.  The only solution when she is in this mode is to walk away: her early life would have been much happier if her ex-husband had done the same!

Dementia: I Need ‘A Fiver Deal’

Mixed Dementia,

Image result for A Fiver Deal PictureWhen I was Supply Teaching in this area I heard from secondary school pupils how easy it was to get ‘a fiver deal’.  I got to know the names of local drug dealers and their patches. I know where to get my own fix this morning to help me cope with the events of yesterday.

Maureen continues to languish in the Konar Suite.  She is not ‘settled’ there – she is frightened – and can’t understand why she can’t come home.

On Monday I spent several hours trying to speed up her discharge.  our concerns were seen as valid and reasonable. Consequently, the meeting was brought forward until today.  My mobile rang early yesterday morning with the news that the meeting could not take place until Friday.

I need something to take my mind of how the interpretation of the Mental Capacity Act mitigates against person-centered care.  As I posted yesterday we are dealing with a machine driven by a tick box culture.

My fiver deal this morning will be my monthly trim, carried out by Polly, who shares my surname. She will use number 6 and  4 clippers – she knows what I want.

Polly is struggling to sleep at the moment. She is worried she will forget her steps when she performs a waltz for the first time at a charity event on Saturday evening.  Polly will always get TEN from me as she knows how to be person-centered.

My fiver deal with Polly includes a £1 tip!

No prizes for guessing where Maureen slept last night.  A member of staff has just confirmed that ‘she slept with us in the lounge’: she is so ‘settled’ in the Konar Suite that she is afraid to sleep alone in her room!

 

Dementia: Dealing With The Machine

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A family member reminded me yesterday that ‘we are dealing with the machine’.  The driver of the machine is the Mental Capacity Act.  It leads to a tick box culture that has little to do with person-centered care.

Maureen remains in an Acute Mental Health Unit.  She said to me yesterday that ‘she has done nothing wrong and should be allowed to go home’.  My efforts to speed up her departure have resulted in the Best Interest Meeting being brought forward to tomorrow.

I appreciate that professional staff are doing their best to ensure that Maureen’s future care and accommodation is appropriate.  My mission yesterday was to speed up the process as Maureen remains extremely frightened by her environment: that is not in anyone’s Best Interest.

Postscript:

I have just spoken to a staff member on Konar.  Maureen is asleep in the lounge in an armchair.  She continues to be reluctant to sleep alone in a strange room.  Her history of domestic violence continues to be fundamental in her presentation.